Truth Be Told
by kazoquel4
Summary: Because Sirius and Remus always managed to get through hard times, even if sometimes it was rockier than either of them ever expected. Series of one-shots depicting pivotal moments in the Marauder's history. Purely Friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Remus lifted his quill and frowned down at the parchment. _The Goblin Rebellion of 1612 was significant because…_ He strained, trying to think back to the History of Magic lecture earlier that day. What had Professor Binns said? It had stopped trade between…?

Remus shook his head, trying to clear it. He was pretty sure that had been the part of class he had dozed off in. It figured that the one and only time Remus didn't pay attention he missed something important. It would be no use asking any of his friends, either; they had been trying to hit Severus in the back of the head with paper balls throughout the entire lecture.

Remus set down his quill and rested his head in his hands. He was sitting by the fire in the Common Room with his friends, who had already abandoned their essays and were talking animatedly about the upcoming Quidditch match. Sirius and James were making predictions and talking strategy while Peter sat as near them as he could, eyes shining with delight as they talked.

"And then Jerry's going to feint left and throw it to me," James said, his glasses flashing in the light from the fire.

"Didn't you use that in the match against Hufflepuff?" Sirius said with a frown. "Surely Ravenclaw's going to see that coming."

"Even if they do, it should startle them enough to let me get past the Keeper," James insisted. "Brown's rubbish, I could throw it right at him and he wouldn't be able to stop it."

"I guess so," Sirius said, still looking doubtful. "I still think- hey, Remus, are you alright?"

Remus looked up to find all three of them watching him with frowns on their faces. He gave them a strained smile. To be honest, he was starting to feel a little bit ill, and he knew why- tomorrow was the full moon, and Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

He had felt the stress of the impeding transformation wearing on him all day. He was just glad that he had woken up in History of Magic before his friends had caught him dozing. Despite his nap he felt absolutely exhausted, and the fire was making him uncomfortably warm. He found himself thinking about the dormitory above him. They had left the window open, he remembered. It was probably nice and cool up there. Not to mention his bed- oh, Merlin he wished he was in bed right now-

"Remus?" James was the concerned party this time. Remus blinked unsteadily at him, his head starting to swim. He needed to get out of there.

"I'm fine," he assured them, rolling up his parchment. "I'm just- tired. I think I'm going to head up to bed."

"Alright," said Sirius, frowning as he watched Remus slowly gather his things. "Need any help there?"

"I'm fine," Remus said again. He smiled one last time and then headed towards the staircase, arms full of his homework and supplies.

In the safety of his dormitory Remus dumped all of his stuff at the foot of his bed and then toppled onto the mattress. He breathed a sigh of relief as he shut his eyes. Away from the fire his head stopped swimming and he was able to think straight again. That had been a close one. If he had spent much longer down there he might have passed out, and then his friends would really have something to talk about.

Remus kicked off his shoes and curled up in a tight ball on top of his covers. He didn't have enough energy to change into his nightclothes, let alone lift his blankets and crawl underneath them. Besides, the cool evening air was pure bliss on his skin, and in just a few minutes he was asleep.

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"That was… odd," James said, watching as Remus teetered across the room and disappeared up the stairs.

"It's happening again," Peter said nervously, looking between his two friends.

Sirius frowned at the staircase as James nodded.

"I kind of expected it," he admitted. "He fell asleep in History of Magic today."

"He did?" Peter asked, shocked. Remus was a star student; hadn't he constantly reprimanded his friends for doing the same thing time and time again?

"Yeah," James said, stretching in his armchair. He wiggled his maroon sock-clad feet near the fire, basking in the warmth. "I don't think he knows anyone saw, but I figured it was just his… _thing_. Thought it was kinder to keep quiet about it."

"So he dozed off in class and then went to bed early," Sirius said, still frowning. "I expect he's sick, too. He was really pale."

"And then he's going to disappear," James said.

"Probably tomorrow," Sirius agreed.

"Maybe he just doesn't feel well," Peter said, uncomfortable about talking about his friend behind his back like that. Remus had always been kind to him, and although Peter was admittedly curious about where he disappeared every month or so like his other two friends, it didn't feel right prying into what was obviously his private business. Not that Peter would ever say that to any of Sirius and James, of course. They would just call him a wuss.

"Please," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "It's the same thing every month. I expect his mother has Spattergroit again?"

"That was last month," James reminded him. "It'll probably be the flu this time."

"I'm stunned his mother isn't dead yet," Sirius said.

Peter gasped. "Sirius!"

"What? If she's really so sick every month that Remus has to leave school and visit her deathbed, she _should_ be dead by now!" Sirius kicked vehemently at his Transfiguration book, which was lying, abandoned, at his feet.

"Sirius is right," James said, frowning worriedly at his friend. "We all know Remus is lying- don't look at me like that, Peter, you know it's true- but what's he hiding?"

Sirius crossed his arms and sat back in his seat. The three of them had decided at the beginning of the year that Remus had to be lying about his monthly disappearances. They had been going on since they had first met; every couple of weeks Remus would start acting weird, and then he would disappear for a few days and come back with the excuse that he had been visiting his ill mother. He had gotten away with it for the better part of their first year, but Sirius's patience was wearing thin. He knew something was seriously wrong with his friend, and it irked him that he didn't seem to trust them enough to tell them the truth.

"I don't think he would lie to us," Peter said weakly.

"You act like he's a bloody saint, Pettigrew," Sirius snapped at him. "Remus is just as human as the rest of us, and he's lying about something- something big. And I'm going to find out what it is."

He got to his feet and roughly started gathering his stuff. Next to him, James rolled his eyes. He was used to Sirius's moods. He always got irritated when they started talking about Remus's disappearances. If there was one thing that Sirius hated more than liars, it was people lying to their friends- and his friends lying to him.

"Don't storm up there and start yelling at him," James warned. "We promised we'd figure it out first and _then_ chew him out, remember?"

"I remember," Sirius muttered. The one and only time they had confronted Remus about what was going on Remus had nearly had a panic attack and made them swear not to go prying into his business. They had promised, but decided to devote their time to figuring out what he was hiding in secret.

The three of them headed up to the dormitory despite the time. None of them felt much like talking or doing their homework, and each of them had a lot to think about.

They crept into the dormitory, glancing at Remus's bed, expecting to find closed curtains- but Remus was fast asleep out in the open, still wearing his school uniform.

"He must be really tired," Peter said softly, tiptoeing over to his bed.

"Or really sick," James muttered.

Sirius strode over to his bed and dumped his things back in his trunk. Ignoring James's concerned look, he threw on his pajamas and pulled the curtains closed around his bed. He didn't want to have to talk to James or Peter anymore, or look at Remus, who looked even smaller and frailer in sleep than he had downstairs.

The thought of Remus lying to him made him sick. Sirius considered Remus one of his closest friends, and the idea of Sirius not even really knowing him- Sirius didn't like to think about it. But he had to, because he couldn't just sit by and pretend to believe all of the lies Remus told him.

 _I'm going to figure it out,_ Sirius promised himself. _And I'm going to help that stupid prat._

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When Remus woke up, he felt dreadful.

Before he even opened his eyes he knew that something was very wrong. All around him he could hear his friends getting ready for the day, which was odd in itself; Remus was always the first out of bed. Now, however, the thought of dragging himself to his feet and attending an entire day of lessons made him want to keel over and never get up.

Remus tried to sit up but all he managed to do was moan and turn his head the other way. The sounds in the room ground to a halt, and he knew his friends were looking at him. Judging by the light eating at his eyelids, Remus had forgotten to close his curtains. Fantastic.

When he finally opened his eyes he gasped in shock. Sirius was leaning over him, his face set into a deep frown.

"Alright there, Remus?" he asked, watching as Remus slowly sat up, wincing as he did so.

"'M fine," Remus said, his voice hoarse. Then he doubled over, coughing, his throat aching. _This was going to be a long full moon._

Bracing hands slid behind his back, helping him into a sitting position, and another pair of hands was pressing a cold glass of water into his clammy fingers. Remus accepted it gratefully, and as soon as he could he pressed it to his lips and took a long drink, soothing his sore throat.

When he opened his eyes again James was standing there, looking worried. Peter hovered behind him, eyes flicking from one friend to the next, and Sirius was seated next to Remus on his bed, looking ready to catch him lest he fall out of bed.

"You're fine, are you?" he asked dryly.

Remus ignored him. He set the glass on the bedside table and slowly slid out of bed. His friends backed away from him, still watching cautiously as he got to his feet, picked up his toiletries, and stumbled into the bathroom, shutting it behind him.

In private, Remus allowed himself to take a deep breath, leaning against the sink. He turned his gaze on the mirror, almost fearing what he would see, and winced. No wonder his friends looked so concerned; Remus looked as bad as he felt. He was so pale he was almost completely white except for two bright pink spots on his cheeks- he was getting a fever. The only other color on his face was the dark bags under his eyes. Remus was a mess.

Turning on the tap, Remus splashed some cold water on his face. _Get a grip,_ he told himself firmly. He would be able to sneak away to the hospital wing at lunch. Until then, he needed to act as though nothing was wrong. He couldn't let his friends know he was sick.

The thought of them finding out Remus's secret made his stomach twist into a knot. Lycanthropy was highly stigmatized in the Wizarding World. The only reason he had even been allowed to attend Hogwarts in the first place was because the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had for some strange reason taken a liking to Remus. He was permitted to stay only with the promise that he never tell _anyone_ his secret. Not that he had ever needed that warning.

If his friends found out he was a werewolf… well, he wouldn't be allowed to call them his friends anymore. Best case scenario, they would demand he switch rooms and never speak to him again. Worst case scenario, he would have to leave the school. Remus wasn't sure which was worse.

He shook his head. Of course he knew which one was worse. Remus _needed_ an education. It was his only hope for any future whatsoever. If he had a formal education, he might be able to scrape some sort of job despite what he was. Remus couldn't afford being kicked out of school.

But the thought of his friends, the first real friends he had ever had, looking at him like the monster he was- Remus didn't think his heart would bear it.

Remus jerked away from the mirror, unable to look at himself any longer. The dormitory was quiet when he trudged back out, not looking at any of them. He got the idea that they had been talking about something and had quieted as soon as the door was open. Remus didn't want to think about what they had been discussing.

He grabbed a fresh uniform and climbed onto his bed, pulling the curtains shut. Remus never changed in the open. His scars would raise too many questions. So he teetered on his mattress, struggling out of his rumpled clothes and pulling the new ones over his head.

When he emerged again he felt fresher, if still ill, and determined to act like nothing was wrong. He smiled at his friends, who were waiting for him by the door, as he joined them. Peter and James grinned back at him, but Sirius turned and stomped out without meeting his eyes. Remus's smile wavered as he followed them.

They were quiet as they walked to the Great Hall. Remus focused on putting one foot in front of the other, his eyes trained on the stones beneath his feet. His head was swimming, and his muscles were already aching from the stress of the impending transformation. He never seemed to be able to catch a break; not only would he transform into a bloodthirsty beast tonight, but he had to spend the entire day before it barely strong enough to walk from Gryffindor Tower to the Great Hall.

"I hope you'll be up for Astronomy tonight, Remus," Peter finally spoke up, unable to bear the silence.

Remus tripped. James reached out and steadied him as he turned to Peter with wide eyes. " _What_?"

Peter looked taken aback. "Astronomy," he repeated. "We're studying the full moon tonight."

Remus felt bile rising in his throat. Of course; how could he have forgotten? All last year they had been too focused on the planets in astronomy to work on the moon. The first few months of school he had managed to forget that November was the month they started studying the full moon. How could his friends _not_ figure out what he was when he missed every astronomy lesson?

"Remus?" James's voice seemed to come to him from a long way away. Remus blinked several times, trying to focus on his face, but it kept swimming in and out of focus.

Someone was trying to force him to the ground. Remus's knees buckled, and strong arms caught him and lowered him to the cold stones. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palms flat against the floor, trying to steady himself. _This couldn't be happening._

"Remus?" Sirius sounded scared. That, more than anything, helped clear Remus's head.

He opened his eyes. His friends had managed to get him out of the center of the corridor and were crouched all around him, studying him with poorly concealed panic. Remus felt hot tears starting to prick at his eyes. They looked so worried. How long would be until that concern turned to disgust?

"Peter, go fetch Madam Pomfrey," James said, his voice tense.

Peter nodded and jumped to his feet, but Remus said quickly, "No!" Peter stopped at his friend's hoarse voice and looked from him to James, uncertain.

Remus started to push himself to his feet. Sirius and James swooped in, grabbing his arms and helping him up. Remus reluctantly allowed them to help steady him.

"You've got to go to the hospital wing, Remus," Sirius said, looking him over as though he were checking for injuries.

Remus swallowed and slowly nodded. At least he would have an excuse better than 'My mother's sick' this month.

He shook off James and Sirius when they tried to help him walk, but they still hovered close by, looking ready to swoop in if he showed any signs of collapse. They slowed their pace to little more than a snail's crawl to match Remus's shuffling footsteps. He kept his eyes firmly trained on his feet, not needing to think as he followed the familiar path up to the hospital wing.

James pushed open the door when they got there without knocking. Remus wanted to reprimand him, but the words got lost on the way to his throat. His vision was swimming again.

"What on earth?" Remus heard the matron's voice. "How many times have I told you to knock? Mr. Potter, what is the meaning of-"

"Madam, please, it's Remus," James said, stepping aside to let Remus and Sirius through. At the first sign of dizziness Sirius had grabbed Remus's arm, helping him stay standing.

Madam Pomfrey gasped and hurried forward. As she wrapped an arm around Remus he was surrounded by the familiar, comforting smell of honey and antiseptic. A sense of safety washed over him, and he shut his eyes, swaying with a fresh wave of weakness.

"Stay with me for a few more seconds, Remus, we're almost there." She guided him to the nearest bed and lowered him onto it. Remus sank back against the pillows, moaning in pain as his muscles jarred.

Madam Pomfrey got to work, slipping off his shoes and pulling a blanket over him. Remus, who hadn't realized he had been shivering, drew his knees up to his chest, suddenly freezing.

"You've got a fever, dear," Madam Pomfrey said, her voice calm and soothing. "I expect you're very sore as well, of course. I'll go and fetch you your potions right away. Just lay back and- can I help you three with anything else?"

Remus forced his eyes open. Sirius, James, and Peter were hovering by the door, watching Remus with wide eyes. He closed his eyes again. He was afraid he would see a look of realization cross one of their faces.

"Is Remus okay?" Peter squeaked.

"He's perfectly fine, he's just got a nasty cold. Now out, all of you, and let him rest. You might still be able to get some breakfast if you leave now. Go on, shoo!" A moment later the door closed and the hospital wing was silent except for Madam Pomfrey's footsteps.

When she came back over with a tray of potions, she helped Remus work himself into a sitting position. He opened his mouth obligingly as she poured vial after vial into his mouth, but when she lifted a dark potion he recognized as a Dreamless Sleep potion he shut his mouth firmly.

"They have astronomy tonight," he said, needing to tell _someone_ what was bothering him.

Madam Pomfrey's hand stilled. "What?"

"Gryffindors have astronomy tonight," he repeated.

"What of it, dear?"

"They're studying the full moon." Remus's mouth felt full of cotton, and the potions he had just taken were befuddling his mind, making it hard to focus.

"Oh, don't you worry about that, Remus. You'll make it up, you're a smart boy."

"I'm not worried about making it up." Remus squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the world from spinning around him. "I'm worried that they'll-"

Madam Pomfrey took the opportunity to shove the vial in his mouth. Remus reluctantly drank, and as she pulled away he already felt sleep starting to tug at him. He barely registered Madam Pomfrey helping him slide back down and start piling blankets on him.

"Don't you worry about a thing, dear," she said, smoothing the covers over him. "You'll be able to collect the notes from your friends."

"That's not… what I'm worried about…" Remus's voice was thick with sleep, and soon the rest of him followed suit.

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The walk down to the Great Hall was very tense. All three of them were thinking about what they had just witnessed- and heard.

"He's worried about astronomy tonight," Sirius said abruptly.

James nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. At first I thought the same as Madam Pomfrey- that he was just upset about missing a lesson- you know Remus."

"Do I?" muttered Sirius.

James shot him a look as Peter whimpered. "Come on, Sirius, don't be like that."

"Why not?" Sirius demanded. "You heard him! He wasn't worried about missing astronomy, he was worried about _us_ having it! What the hell is going on?"

After they had been kicked out of the hospital wing, Sirius had insisted they stay and listen at the door to see if they could overhear anything. The brief conversation they had managed to hear between Remus and Madam Pomfrey had only raised more questions for the three of them.

"He looked really sick, didn't he?" said Peter quietly.

Sirius turned away. Remus _had_ looked very sick, and Sirius still felt shaken from the whole experience. Sure, Remus always looked a little ill and frail, but Sirius had never seen him so out of it. The idea of Remus- steady, dependable Remus- too sick to stand made his heart twist uncomfortably. It was unnatural, and Sirius didn't like what it meant.

"What if this happens every month?" James said in a low voice as they walked into the Great Hall. It was starting to empty out, but there was still a good number of students finishing up their breakfasts. The three slid into their usual spots in the middle of Gryffindor table, the vacant seat next to Peter screaming at all of them out of the corner of their eyes. They tried to ignore it.

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius. None of them moved to grab anything to eat.

"What if he gets sick like this every month- maybe that's where he goes, the hospital wing," said James. "Maybe he's just really, really prone to illness."

"Why would he keep that a secret, then?" Peter asked doubtfully.

James shrugged. "I dunno, maybe he's worried we'll judge him or something."

"No," Sirius said, pressing his hands against his eyes. "No, it's something else… and I'm going to figure it out."

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Remus didn't wake up until Madam Pomfrey shook him an hour before the full moon. "It's time to go, dear," she said with a sympathetic smile as he opened his eyes, blinking at the sudden light.

Remus was too out of it to notice his aching limbs and throbbing head as Madam Pomfrey helped him out of bed and into his shoes. She kept one arm firmly wrapped around him as she guided him out of the hospital wing.

The corridors were empty as they walked towards the front doors. The rest of the school was at dinner, and as they crept by the half-closed doors of the Great Hall the smell of dozens of different kinds of food made Remus's head spin.

Madam Pomfrey helped him out into the brisk evening air. Almost automatically, as if on command, Remus turned towards the setting sun, which was sinking quickly beneath the horizon. His shoulders tensed, and Madam Pomfrey squeezed him closer to her side.

She let Remus go to pull out her wand and guide a long stick to the knot at the base of the Whomping Willow. Remus watched without interest as the monstrous branches stopped swinging and Madam Pomfrey took him by the hand, leading him through the maze of limbs to the concealed entrance.

"I can make it on my own," Remus said as he lowered himself down.

Madam Pomfrey glanced behind her at the setting sun, looking worried. "Alright, dear. Try to stay relaxed tonight. I'll be there first thing in the morning."

"Okay," Remus said.

Madam Pomfrey smiled sadly and reached out to touch his cheek. Remus's eyes swelled with tears. He wanted to leap out of the tunnel and run back to the warmth of the castle. He wanted to sleep through the night like a regular human being and not have to spend it ripping himself to shreds because he's not allowed to go after his prey. He wanted to be safe.

Remus turned away before he accidentally blurted any of this out and started walking down the tunnel, drawing his robes tightly around him to fight against the chill of the dank tunnel. He forced himself to move quickly. He could feel the moon starting to rise in his gut now, his internal clock letting him know that his time was coming. He hated that he had such a strong connection to it.

Remus climbed up into the house and shut the trapdoor firmly behind him. He looked around at the familiar living room, disgusted when he felt a strange sense of homecoming. He shook his head, screwing his face up against the thought. Already he could feel his mind starting to slip away from him.

Shaking with an encroaching sense of panic, Remus pulled off his robes and tucked them away in the cupboard, stripping until he stood shivering, completely naked. His parents couldn't afford for him to tear through a pair of robes every month, so he was forced to spend his last few minutes as a human with every bit of dignity stripped away from him.

Remus walked to the center of the room and lowered himself to the scuffed floor. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but he felt his breaths coming faster and faster. The moon was about to rise; he could feel it. Any moment now.

Remus drew his knees to his chest. His friends would be heading up to the dormitory by now to gather their things for astronomy. Soon they would be standing outside, staring up at the full moon as people all around them asked where Remus was. Who would be the first to figure it out? Who would force themselves to confront him first?

Remus let out a dry sob that quickly turned to a gasp of pain as his leg spasmed. He tried to scramble to his feet, his first instinct to run from the moonlight that was starting to make its way through the dirty window, but collapsed in a heap of limbs as tremors overtook him. He whimpered as he felt his bones break. After a few moments his moans turned to snarls, and then a howl of anguish split the air and Remus was gone.

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"I can't believe she wouldn't let us visit him," James said crossly as he marched up the stairs, telescope clutched in his arms. "I mean, we're his best friends! He wouldn't mind us seeing him sick. You know, I'm starting to think that Madam Pomfrey doesn't trust us."

Sirius snorted as they emerged into the cool night air at the top of the Astronomy Tower. "Whatever gives you that idea?"

"I hope Remus is okay," Peter said as they joined the rest of the class, who had already set up their telescopes.

"He'll be fine," James assured him. "Colds aren't deadly."

"If it is a cold."

"Not now, Sirius."

Professor Sinastra, the young witch who had started teaching Astronomy during their first year, swept outside just as they had finished setting themselves up, wrapped in a thick black robe. She immediately launched into the lesson and James and Sirius immediately tuned her out, focusing instead on the stars overhead, which were sparkling to life.

"Where are you, Sirius?" James whispered with a grin.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to point out Canis Major every Astronomy lesson just so you can laugh about the 'uncanny resemblance' between the two of us."

James stuck his tongue out at him.

They came back down to earth when the class started moving around them. They turned to their telescopes and moved them to focus on the full moon, which hung over all of them, casting an unearthly light on the class.

"Adjust your telescopes until the entire moon is in focus," she instructed them. "Now, you'll see a number of craters on the east side that we talked about earlier in…"

"Please tell me she's not going to have us staring at holes in a piece of rock for the entire night," Sirius muttered to James.

"Don't disgrace the fine art of astronomy," James murmured back. "Those are _space_ holes."

Sirius snorted, and Professor Sinastra looked over at them with raised eyebrows. "Something funny over there, boys?" she asked.

"No, Professor," they said together.

Professor Sinastra looked unconvinced. She frowned at the empty space next to them. "And where is Mr. Lupin?"

"He's sick, Professor," piped up Peter.

"Oh, what a shame," Sinastra said. "Make sure you bring him back good notes."

James and Sirius glanced at each other guiltily. They hadn't thought about that.

Just then, what sounded like a howl floated over the tops of the trees in the Forbidden Forest. The entire class jumped, and Peter ducked down behind his telescope, looking terrified.

"Don't be so frightened," Sinastra called, barely repressing an eye roll. "The Forbidden Forest is home to many creatures- none of which can hurt you up here."

"What if there's a werewolf out there, Professor?" a Hufflepuff girl asked. The class started whispering fearfully.

"I can assure you there are no werewolves within ten miles of this place. Nothing is going to hurt you tonight. Now please, let's return to the moon…."

"What if there are werewolves out there?" Peter whimpered, slowly getting to his feet and readjusting his telescope, which he had knocked in his dive for safety.

James scoffed. "Don't be silly, Peter, Dumbledore wouldn't let any werewolves live in the forest. It was probably just a stray dog or something. Say, does the Canis Major howl, Sirius?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and peeked through his telescope, his thoughts on the howl. It _had_ sounded strangely close…

"I suppose it is kind of pretty," James admitted, examining the moon. He sighed. "It figures that Remus would miss the first class on the full moon. It's hard enough staying _awake,_ let alone taking notes. Merlin, is he lucky-"

Sirius's hand slipped on his adjustment knob, turning the moon into nothing but a yellow, blurry ball. He stumbled away from it, mouth open, and stared up at the moon. The pale light made him almost ghostly as he stood there, immobile, a look of shock scrawled across his face.

"Alright there, Sirius?" James asked, looking up from his telescope. When he saw his friend's expression he frowned. "What's wrong?" When Sirius still didn't move, he reached out and grabbed his wrist, tugging him back to the telescope. "Sinastra's staring at you, Sirius- what's wrong?"

Sirius shook his head wordlessly, still staring up at the moon. "I just realized-" his voice was shaky. "I mean, I just had a thought- I mean-" Peter and James were both staring as he fumbled for words. Finally he just shook his head. "I can't tell you here," he muttered. "After the lesson."

"Oh, come on!" whined James. "You can't just do something like that and make us _wait_. At least give us a hint."

" _Not here, James_ ," Sirius hissed at him. James was so startled by his tone that he dropped it and turned back to his telescope.

Sirius was distracted for the rest of the lesson. He spent it staring out across the grounds instead of up at the moon, his eyes narrowed as he scanned the edge of the forest. James heard him muttering to himself several times, but he was never able to make out any clear words. Near the end of the lesson another howl split the air and Sirius flinched so badly he dropped his compass.

"You're freaking me out, Sirius," James muttered as Sirius straightened back up, clutching the instrument in his shaking hands. Sirius didn't respond but looked back up at the full moon, his jaw clenched. James shared a look with Peter, whose wide eyes reflected the light of the moon overhead.

It felt like weeks before Professor Sinastra told them to pack up. Sirius disassembled his telescope faster than he ever had and rocketed inside before anyone else had even touched theirs. James was quick to follow, but was forced to stay behind and help Peter, whose knob was stuck.

When they finally hurried into the warmth of the tower Sirius was gone. "Come on!" James called over his shoulder, breaking out into a run. Peter followed after a moment, already panting when they reached the bottom of the staircase.

James sprinted all the way through the castle, ignoring the stitch in his side and Peter's calls for him to slow down behind him. When he reached the Fat Lady he gasped out "Porcupine Quills" and ducked inside without waiting to see if Peter was following him.

The common room was empty at this late hour. James took the stairs three at a time, his heart thrumming with anticipation. He had spent the past two hours wondering what had made Sirius so upset, and he was overflowing with curiosity.

Sirius was pacing in the dormitory when James burst in, breathing heavily. He stumbled over to his bed and dumped his telescope on the floor, collapsing on his covers. As he struggled to regain his breath the door thudded open again and Peter practically fell inside, his face tomato red. He collapsed on the floor in front of Remus's bed, looking as though he'd never get up again.

"How could I have been so stupid?" Sirius muttered to himself, pacing up and down the length of the room. He didn't seem to have noticed his friends yet. "It's so _obvious,_ all the signs are right there-"

"What signs?" James said, still panting. "Look, we sprinted all the way here, Sirius, just tell us what's going on."

Sirius looked up at him for the first time. His expression was grim. "Shut the door, Peter," he said without looking at him. Peter moaned but pulled himself to his feet, stumbling over and shutting the door as quietly as he could, aware that they had probably just woken the whole tower.

Sirius was still pacing. James sat on his bed, watching with increasing worry as his normally laid back friend fell to pieces in front of him.

"Sirius," he said quietly. Sirius looked at him, his eyes wide with what looked like fright. "What's going on?"

Sirius stopped pacing. He stood quite still in the middle of the room and wrapped his arms around himself, biting his lip. A few seconds earlier, he had looked furious. Now he just looked scared. "I think Remus is sicker than we thought."

"You think that's why Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us see him?" James said, frowning. Peter was still standing by the door, watching with a mixture of curiosity and worry.

"No," said Sirius. He closed his eyes briefly. "Well, yes, I suppose. I think the reason she didn't let us see him was because we _couldn't_ see him."

"Alright, you lost me," James said, sitting up on his knees. "You think he's at St. Mungo's or something?"

"No," said Sirius. He met James's eyes. "But I don't think he was in the hospital wing. Tell me, was the moon up when we stopped by?"

"The moon? I don't know, I suppose so. Why?"

"The full moon was already up," Sirius murmured, turning back to the window. He walked over and peered up at the sky. "Of course he wasn't there."

"Sirius, you're making no sense right now."

"Yes, I am!" said Sirius, spinning on him. "Wake up, James, it's obvious! Remus disappears once a month, every month for a few days. He feels sick before he disappears and comes back with injuries. He missed the first astronomy lesson of the year to fall on a full moon and I'm willing to bet that if we matched up the dates of his other disappearances they would fall on full moons as well. Didn't he miss a few Astronomy lessons last year, too? Weren't they all _on the full moon_?"

James was shaking his head. "Sirius-"

"James, Remus is a _werewolf_."

Dead silence rang in the dormitory. James stared at Sirius, his jaw agape. Sirius met his gaze grimly.

"But- that's impossible," James finally said.

"Isn't it? It makes sense," Sirius said bitterly. "That's why Remus couldn't tell us. He wouldn't want anyone to know he's a- you know."

"But werewolves aren't allowed at Hogwarts!" James insisted. "The Ministry would throw a fit!"

"Maybe no one knows about him," Sirius said with a frown.

"Dumbledore knows everything, Sirius," insisted James.

"Alright, then Dumbledore does know! It would be just like him to go behind the Ministry's back and let Remus come, anyways. He's probably got it all worked out, to keep everyone safe…"

"I think you're jumping to conclusions, Sirius."

"I am _not_!" Sirius snapped at him. "It all adds up! Is there any way it _doesn't_ make sense?"

James opened his mouth and then closed it, lost in thought. A frown line crinkled his forehead. "Remus can't be a werewolf," he said quietly, a note of doubt creeping into his voice.

"Remus _has_ to be a werewolf," Sirius said, his voice just as quiet.

A strangled gasp from the doorway made them realize that Peter was still there. He was clutching at his bedpost, his face still bright red from the run earlier. His eyes shone with fear. "What are we going to do?" he whimpered.

"We're going to talk to him," Sirius said. "Tomorrow morning, we'll sneak up and-"

"I mean about the dormitory!" Peter cried. "I'm not sharing my room with a- with a monster!"

Sirius froze. He slowly turned to look at Peter, his eyes narrowed. "What did you just say?" he asked.

Peter took a step back at the look on Sirius's face, but his fear gave him the courage to speak up. "I said I'm not sharing my room with a monster!" he squeaked.

Sirius was across the room faster than Peter could blink. James shouted in alarm as Sirius pushed Peter against the wall and pinned him there, snarling in his face. "Remus isn't a monster!" he hissed.

Peter whimpered and tried to twist out of Sirius's grip. James leapt to his feet and hurried across the room, grabbing Sirius's arm and dragging him away. Sirius released Peter reluctantly and let James pull him away.

"Sirius, now is not the time to turn on each other," James snapped at him.

"He's turning on Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, glaring at Peter, who shrank away, his back pressed against the wall. "I won't listen to him call him a monster!"

"Peter's just scared, Sirius, we all are! Now _calm down_!" James shoved Sirius backwards. Sirius fell against his bed and sat down, glaring at his friend.

James took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "We all need to take a step back," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "This is a big accusation. If we're wrong about this, we could really mess up our friendship with Remus."

"And if we're right-" Sirius started to say.

"Then we proceed accordingly," James said. He shot Sirius a warning look. "We all need to calm down. The last thing we want to do is barge into the hospital room tomorrow and start shouting at each other in front of Remus. This is an extremely sensitive situation."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at him. "Remus isn't a monster."

"I didn't say h was," said James, meeting his gaze coolly. "But no matter what happens we're going to stay calm and keep our heads about us. Aren't we, Peter?"

Peter whimpered but didn't say anything.

"Remus has always been there for you, Pettigrew," Sirius snapped at him. "He helps you on every damn homework assignment and stands up for you whenever anyone teases you, so don't you dare even consider turning on him now."

Peter nodded so fast his head was a blur.

"Good," James said, although he knew the situation was far from _good_. "Now let's try and get some sleep."

It was an empty suggestion. None of them slept much that night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning they all got up silently. They made sure that the sun had already been up for a few hours before wordlessly getting dressed. James opened his trunk and pulled out his father's shining invisibility cloak, grimly looking around at his friends.

It was still too early for anyone else to even be awake yet. The three boys crept down the stairs and into the common room, pulling on the cloak before slipping out of the portrait hole. They weren't technically allowed to be out of the common room so early before breakfast, and it would mean detention if they were caught. But they had a far greater cause that day; they needed to get to the hospital wing and past Madam Pomfrey unseen so they could see Remus for themselves.

None of them spoke as they walked through corridor after corridor. When they finally reached the door to the hospital wing they stopped in front of it. No one seemed to want to approach it.

Finally, James stuck his hands out from underneath the cloak and very slowly turned the knob, pushing it open just a crack so he could peek inside. After one tense moment, he nodded and pushed the door open wider, slipping inside. Sirius and Peter followed after him and they shut the door behind them, readjusting the cloak.

The hospital wing was empty except for a bed in the farthest corner. A set of curtains had been drawn around it, hiding it from view. The three boys stood rooted to the spot, staring at it and dreading what they would find if they looked at the bed behind it.

"Well," James muttered, "we can't just stand here all day. Madam Pomfrey can come back any minute."

Sirius nodded mutely and the three of them crept forward, casting fearful glances at Madam Pomfrey's closed office door. When they reached the curtains they stopped again, and Sirius was the one to reach out and slide them aside.

All three of them gasped.

Remus was lying there, looking very small surrounded by all the pillows and blankets. He was sleeping, or at least, Sirius _hoped_ he was sleeping. He could have been dead judging by the state of him. His light hair was matted with what looked like blood, and his cheek sported a rather gruesome looking gash. But that wasn't what frightened his friends the most.

They had never seen Remus without his shirt on. He was paler and bonier than they had imagined, but that wasn't the worst of it. He was covered in scars. Some were thick and knotty- obviously these hadn't been healed properly- while others were no longer than Sirius's thumb. And on his left shoulder, faded and hidden beneath many other scars but somehow more menacing than all of the others put together, was clearly a bite mark.

Peter moaned and James turned away, looking faintly green. Sirius, however, couldn't tear his eyes away. He felt his world crashing down around him. _Remus was a werewolf_. He had never dreamed that Remus would be able to hide something like this. Calm, quiet Remus, who hadn't even looked Sirius in the eye when they had first met and had surprised them all two months into the school year by finally cracking a joke. Remus, who always did his schoolwork and tutored his friends even though it was their own fault they hadn't paid attention in the first place. Remus, who always knew just how to twist their pranks so they weren't _technically_ breaking the rules. Remus, who tore himself to shreds every month and never uttered a word of complaint about anything.

He stepped out from underneath the cloak, taking a step closer to the bed. James and Peter made no move to stop him. Sirius stopped at Remus's side, looking down at him. He was relieved to see his chest moving up and down as he breathed, although the movement was unsteady, as though every breath labored him. If his outside was this messed up, Sirius didn't want to think about what his insides looked like.

His hand moved as though it had a mind of its own. He brushed Remus's shoulder where the bite mark winked up at him. Remus didn't stir.

A noise made him jump, and he felt James throw the cloak back over his head and drag him away from the bed just in time. Madam Pomfrey came bustling out of her office, carrying a tray of potions. She looked more disheveled than Sirius had ever seen her; her hair was falling out of its up do and her eyes were tired. There were streaks of blood on her uniform and Sirius was afraid to wonder where she had gotten them. The three boys watched with bated breath as she approached the open curtains, but she was either too distracted or too tired to wonder why they weren't closed.

Sirius shuffled forward as she set the tray on Remus's bedside table and the other two were forced to follow him so he stayed hidden. They crept nearer, watching over Madam Pomfrey's shoulder as she leaned down and gently placed a hand on Remus's arm.

"Remus, dear?" her voice was soft. "Remus, I need you to take some potions for me."

Remus shifted, letting out a low moan. Peter started to whimper but James pinched his arm and he fell silent.

Sirius watched as Remus's eyes slowly flickered open. He blinked unsteadily up at the ceiling overhead, seemingly unaware of Madam Pomfrey until she spoke again.

"How do you feel, dear?" she asked.

Remus's lips moved but no sound came out. Madam Pomfrey reached out and helped him sit up a little bit, his movements stiff and cautious. Sirius realized that he had a thick white bandage wrapped around his midsection. He had been so focused on the scars that he hadn't noticed it before. For a moment he wondered what could be beneath those wrappings, but the images that sprang too mind were too horrendous to focus on.

"There you go," Madam Pomfrey said once Remus was sitting up. She pressed a glass of water to his lips and he obediently opened his mouth, gulping down the cool drink. When he had emptied the glass Madam Pomfrey set it aside. Remus tried to shift but gasped in pain, his hand grabbing at the bandages on his stomach. Sirius's heart clenched at the sound.

"I know it hurts, dear," said Madam Pomfrey, her voice sympathetic. "You gave yourself a nasty cut last night. It'll take a few days at least to heal." She started un-stoppering various bottles. "You've sprained your ankle, so that's wrapped up as well. All in all, though, you did quite well this month. Much better than the last, wouldn't you say?" Remus didn't seem to be able to respond, but Madam Pomfrey didn't expect him to. She started pouring potion after potion into his mouth, humming under her breath. James, Sirius, and Peter watched the process with morbid fascination.

Finally Madam Pomfrey held out the last vial. "I know you don't care much for Dreamless Sleep potions," she said, "but you need your rest."

Remus didn't argue. He reached up and grabbed the vial, downing it in one gulp.

Madam Pomfrey smiled slightly as he fell back against the pillows, his eyelids already slipping shut again. She drew the blankets over him and squeezed his arm once before collecting the tray and returning to her office, sliding the curtains shut behind her. The boys jumped out of the way just in time to avoid being hit by them.

They waited with bated breath for about a minute after Madam Pomfrey had disappeared. Then, Sirius made a move towards Remus's bed again, but James snatched his arm and furiously shook his head, motioning towards the door. Sirius glared at him, but conceded, and the three of them managed to slip out without being seen or heard.

Outside, James tugged off the cloak and balled it up, shoving it deep into his pocket. He took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt, glancing back at the hospital room door. "Well then," he said.

"What are we going to do?" wailed Peter.

Sirius was pacing again, back and forth across the stones. His mind was moving very quickly, thinking back to every single one of Remus's disappearances and seeing them all from a new perspective. How could he have been so blind?

"We've got to talk to him," James said. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, tugging on the ends so they stood up straight. "We can't just ignore it."

"He needs to know that we don't care," Sirius said. He rounded on Peter. "You don't care, do you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

James stepped in between them, glaring at Sirius. "Of course he doesn't," he said. He shook his head. "But, Sirius, you have to understand- there's a lot of prejudice against… you know."

"Exactly why we need to show him we're different!" Sirius said.

"I know," said James. He looked tired. "Let's just… let's just go get something to eat. We'll talk to Remus when he comes back from the hospital wing. I don't think it's a good idea to try anything while he's under Pomfrey's supervision."

Sirius glanced back at the closed hospital door. What he really wanted to do was barge back in there and confront Remus now, but he was probably totally unconscious by now. James was right; it was better to wait.

"Alright," he said. "Let's get out of here."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You're to take this Blood Replenishing potion tonight and every night for the next week," Madam Pomfrey said, handing over a small purple vial. "And here's a pain relieving potion just in case you need it, but if you have any serious pains you come straight back to me, do you understand?"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey," Remus said, taking the two bottles. He slipped them into the pocket of his school robes, itching to get out of the hospital wing. He had been there for two days healing, and although he wasn't fully well yet, he felt much better than he had in a while, and he was sick of the sterile hospital room.

"You're to take it easy," Madam Pomfrey demanded. "I know what you and your friends get up to, and I don't want to hear that you've been- scaling the roof, or-"

"I promise I won't go scaling any roofs, Madam," Remus promised with a grin.

Madam Pomfrey drew him into a quick hug before releasing him. "Have a good evening, dear," she said. "Get lots of rest tonight."

"You, too," Remus said, and with another smile he turned and left.

It was Saturday night. Madam Pomfrey had insisted he eat one final supervised meal before reluctantly letting him go. Remus had been starting to think that she would just hold him there until the next full moon. Remus appreciated all that she did, of course, but he was itching for things to get back to normal again. He missed his friends, and he knew he was terribly far behind on homework.

It was nearly curfew, but Remus couldn't move too quickly. His sprained ankle was much better, but it still gave him a bit of discomfort if he put too much weight on it, and his abdomen was already aching from the walk. Remus sighed. He doubted he would ever be healthy enough for any actual exercise.

"Porcupine Quills," he told the Fat Lady as he approached the common room, hoping the password hadn't been changed in his absence. The portrait swung back and he stepped inside, a feeling of warmth washing over him as he took in the familiar red and gold décor.

He scanned the common room and spotted them immediately sitting in their usual spot by the fire. James and Peter were lying flat on their stomachs playing a game of chess on the floor, and Sirius was reading a book in an armchair.

Remus blinked. Sirius was reading a book?

He walked over and sank into the empty seat across from Sirius. "Hey," he greeted them with a grin.

The response wasn't what he expected. All three of them jumped and stared at him with wide eyes. Peter knocked into the chessboard and the pieces went flying everywhere, screaming obscenities at him.

"Sorry!" Peter squeaked, frantically picking them back up and shoving them back in his bag. James moved to help him, but his eyes kept darting back over to Remus, a strange look on his face.

Remus frowned. "You guys alright?"

"We're fine," said Sirius, shutting his book and lowering it so Remus couldn't see the cover. He looked at Remus for a long moment, looking as though he were debating something. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Remus said. "Turned out I had more of a flu than a cold. Madam Pomfrey had me on lockdown. You know how she gets. Did you take notes while I was gone?"

Peter and James had packed up the chessboard. Now they were sitting there, their eyes fixed on Remus. Remus focused on Sirius, trying to ignore them, although he was starting to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "They're upstairs."

Remus stood. "I'll go get them."

The other three scrambled to their feet. "We'll come too!" James said.

Remus frowned at him. "I can-"

"We were just talking about heading up to bed," Sirius said. "We're all a bit tired."

"Alright," Remus said slowly. He turned to go, and the other three followed, shuffling silently behind him. Remus turned on them. "Did something happen?" he asked.

They looked at each other. "No," Sirius said, turning back to Remus. He had a hard look in his eyes that Remus hadn't seen before. "Nothing happened."

Remus shook his head and walked up the stairs. When he reached the dormitory he headed straight towards Sirius's bed and the bag he had left lying on top.

"I'll do Transfiguration tonight," he said, rifling through it and pulling out the parchment he needed. "Tomorrow I can-"

His hand brushed up against something else. Frowning, Remus pulled it out and looked at it. It was a library book, the second one he had seen in Sirius's possession that night. When he saw what was drawn on the front cover, his blood chilled.

It was a werewolf.

Remus dropped the book as though it had burned him. He could read the title now: _How to Identify and Protect Yourself Against Werewolves._ Behind him, he heard the door shut.

This wasn't happening.

Remus whirled around. His three friends were standing in front of the door, looking very grim.

"We need to talk," Sirius said. He was still holding the other book, and Remus could read the cover now: _The Modern Day Werewolf: What to Watch For._

 _This wasn't happening._

"About what?" Remus asked, his eyes darting to the door behind them and then over to the window. He wouldn't be able to get out through there; they were too high up. And they were still standing in front of the door…

Remus's knees were shaking. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his robes, trying not to look too guilty.

"Remus, we know," James said, watching Remus with raised eyebrows.

"Know what?" He was stalling now. His mouth was dry, and he was ashamed by how strangled his voice sounded, as though every syllable was a struggle- which it was.

"Don't," Sirius said. He tossed the book down on Remus's bed, narrowing his eyes at him. Remus flinched. "Just don't. We know the truth, we know what you have- _stop lying._ "

How many nightmares had Remus had about this minute? He could see them all clearly in his mind now, and he knew the outcome of this situation. First would come the questions: _How long? Where do they lock you up? Why'd they let you in?_ Then the disgust. And after that… Remus let out an involuntary shiver. It would be the same as it had been with every other child. Most had picked up sticks or something to try to drive him away, but all Sirius, James, and Peter had were their bare fists. Unless they pulled their wands on him… Oh, Merlin, would they pull their wands out?

"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus said, carefully looking at the floor.

"Of course you do," said Sirius. "Remus, we know you're a werewolf."

Silence.

Remus kept his eyes fixed on the floor, unable to look up at his friends, unable to see the revulsion on their faces. The protest died on his tongue. Sirius had obviously been doing research; what good was denial now?

"How?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Peter let out a strangled sort of whimper. Remus lifted his eyes to Sirius, who was still staring at him. Remus couldn't read the expression on his face. Abhorrence?

Sirius's voice was no louder than his had been. "Astronomy," he said. "I was looking up at the full moon, and I… it just kind of clicked."

Remus's lips twitched into a smile, even though there was nothing remotely funny about the situation. "That's what I was afraid of."

"I know. We heard you and Madam Pomfrey talking."

Remus frowned. "You heard-" Then he remembered the brief conversation he had had with the matron before being forced into unconsciousness. It figured they would have eavesdropped. "Ah."

"Yeah," said Sirius. He hesitated. "Listen, Remus, I- what are you doing?"

Remus had walked over to his bed. He avoided looking at the book staring up at him and opened his trunk, starting to collect his things. "I'm packing," he said, his voice calm. He wondered vaguely why he wasn't more upset, but his mind seemed to have gone strangely blank. The entire dormitory had a surreal edge to it, like he really was in one of his dreams and he was about to wake up kicking and screaming in a few minutes. He knew that was just wistful thinking, however. "If you'll give me just a few minutes I'll be on my way."

"Why are you packing?" James asked.

Remus clenched his fist around the sock he was picking up. Were they going to make it harder for him to leave? He would have thought they wanted him gone.

"To leave," he said, dropping it in his trunk. His hands were shaking, but he tried to hide that by picking up the pile of textbooks he had by his bed and dumping them in his trunk. The dreaminess of the room started to drip away, everything coming into sharp focus, and all of the sudden the situation was very real to Remus. Chills spread across the back of his neck. "I swear I'll get out of here. But- but if you could just-"

"Remus, _stop_." A hand grabbed his wrist and panic broke through what remained of the wall of calm in Remus's mind. He flinched and snatched his arm away, recoiling. Sirius stood there, hand still outstretched, a look of bewilderment on his face.

"Just- just don't tell anyone," Remus said, dread building up in the back of his mind. He took another step back, his spine hitting his bedside table. Sirius was still standing there, blocking his path, and James and Peter were approaching behind him. He was cornered. Merlin, how had he not seen this coming? His hand twitched towards his wand, but he knew that no matter how hard his friends- _no, not his friends. His old friends-_ hit him he would never raise a hand in defense. He couldn't hold their reactions against them, anyways. "Please, I'm sorry you had to live with me and I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but I need an education, I need to stay at Hogwarts- I'll sleep in the hospital wing, or I'll switch dorms, or-"

"Remus, what are you talking about?" Sirius's eyebrows were furrowed.

He took another step forward and Remus pushed himself farther back against the table. The wood dug into his back, and as Remus tried to twist away from their approach a sharp pain split his abdomen. He gasped and his hand flew to his stomach, feeling the bulky bandages underneath. He remembered Madam Pomfrey ordering him not to do anything to strain it, otherwise the stitches might break open again.

Sirius's expression changed. "You're still hurt," he said.

"Please," Remus gasped out, suddenly breathless. He shoved the pain to the back of his mind. "Just- just let me pack and I'll get out of here, I swear."

James stepped closer to Sirius, frowning at Remus's arm, which was still clenched over his stomach. "Remus, you're going to hurt yourself."

"I swear I'll- what?" Remus frowned at James, momentarily thrown for a loop. That wasn't what he had expected him to say.

Sirius took another step forward and Remus shifted closer to the bed, his eyes darting towards the door. If he could jump over the bed and make a run for it, maybe get to the headmaster's office before-

"Don't even think about it," Sirius growled, his eyes following Remus's.

Remus winced and turned his gaze to the floor, shame flooding him. What right did he have to run?

Sirius threw his hands in the air and Remus flinched again, closing his eyes in anticipation. Here it comes. " _Will you quit acting like I'm about to hex you at any second_?" Sirius demanded.

Remus opened his eyes again to see James step closer to Sirius. "He thinks you're going to hit him," he said in a low voice, placing a hand on his friend's arm and lowering it.

"Hit him?" Sirius asked, glowering at him. "Why the hell would I hit him?"

"Well- think about it, Sirius," James said, shooting an uncomfortable look at Remus, who looked down at his feet again.

"No," Sirius said shortly. He jabbed his finger at Remus, who forced himself to stand his ground. "You. Sit. Now."

Remus dropped to the bed so quickly it sent a jolt of pain through his abdomen. He straightened his posture, refusing to let himself slouch, and stared at his lap. _Hold yourself high and no one can bring you down,_ his mother had always told him. Remus was going to greet the end of his life with as much composure as possible.

"First of all, let's get one thing straight: I'm not going to hit you," Sirius said, crossing his arms and glaring down at him.

Remus looked up, confused. "What?"

"None of us are going to hurt you, Remus," James said. He held up his hands to prove his point. His glasses teetered on the edge of his nose. Remus had to admit he didn't look exactly threatening, but he knew better than to doubt his friends- _dorm-mates._ Past dorm-mates. "We just want to talk to you."

"But-"

"I'm asking the questions here, Lupin," Sirius said. "One: when?"

"When what?"

"When were you bitten?"

Remus twisted his hands together in his lap and dropped his gaze again. "Four," he muttered.

"Four what?" asked Sirius, impatient. "Four years ago?"

"Four years old."

They were all staring at him. When Remus risked a look he saw that Sirius had gone very pale.

"Four?" he choked out. "But that's-"

"So young," Peter finished in a hushed voice, still standing behind the other two. He had been quiet up until then; Remus suspected he was too terrified to talk. Poor, frightened Peter- Remus hated to be the one that made him so scared.

Remus shrugged, his cheeks hot. He knew it was revolting, but to see it written so plainly across his friend's faces- that hurt.

Sirius cleared his throat, looking more hesitant than before, as though realizing this maybe wasn't that good of an idea. "Where do you go? During the full moons?"

"There's a tunnel," Remus mumbled. What did he have to lose now? "Under the Whomping Willow. It leads to a house. It's safe, I swear."

"I didn't say it wasn't," said Sirius.

"Yeah, you wouldn't stay there unless it wasn't," James said.

Remus looked at him and was startled that his friend was smiling, even if it was rather sad. He moved his eyes to Peter, who was standing a few steps behind him and watching him with a… worried expression?

"I don't… I don't understand," Remus whispered, turning back to Sirius, who was staring at him. "Why aren't you- why are you-"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "For Merlin's sake, Remus, we're not going to ditch you just because you've got a little problem. We'd be rubbish friends if we did that."

Remus's jaw dropped. " _Little problem?_ "

James shrugged. "You get a little furry every month," he said. "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big-" Remus spluttered, lost for words. Didn't they _understand_? His own worries for self-preservation fell to the back of his mind. They needed to realize what he was, what he could _do_ to them. "I'm a _monster,_ James! I grow teeth! And claws, and fangs, and-"

"Do you like doing it?" Sirius asked shortly.

"No!" Remus cried, horror pulsing through him.

"Can you control it?"

Remus drew back a little. "No," he said, more subdued.

"Have you ever hurt anyone?"

" _No._ "

Sirius grinned at him. "There you go, then, case closed. It's not your fault."

"Sirius-"

"And if I hear you call yourself a monster again, I'm going to dangle you out the window by your big toe until you realize how awesome you are," Sirius said, still smiling.

Remus's blood ran cold. "What?"

"I said-"

"No." Remus got to his feet. He was shaking all over. This wasn't _right_ , this wasn't how this was supposed to go. His life had been falling apart moments ago and now it felt as though it had been turned upside down. Hadn't he spent the last year dreading this moment? Why weren't they making a big deal out of this? "This- this isn't okay! You aren't supposed to brush past this! You're supposed to be scared, you're supposed to be revolted, you're supposed to-"

"Beat you?" James asked quietly.

Remus looked down while Sirius glared at him. "What the hell, man?"

"Look, you may live in a little bubble, Sirius, but I know what it's like in the real world," James snapped at him. "I've seen werewolf prejudice first-hand, and no, it's not right, but it's there. If you would just stop and look at things through Remus's perspective-"

" _A little bubble?_ Me? You're one to talk, Potter! _I'm_ the one who had to sit through a formal family meal every Sunday evening and listen to my own family members blab on and on about how Muggles should have more respect and fear for wizards, and how Mudbloods shouldn't even be allowed wands, and how half-breeds should be put down-" He froze and looked over at Remus, his eyes wide. "Shit- Remus, I-"

"No," said Remus. That strange calmness was back, casting that surreal dream-like quality on the whole situation, like a switch had turned in his mind. The whole situation had stopped making sense, and Remus felt himself retreating back inside his mind to try and make sense of it. What Sirius had just said- that made sense. Not the part about the Muggles and Muggleborns, of course, but the half-breeds- that was more along the lines of what he had expected. Was this crazy night finally trying to right itself? "It's fine."

"It is not fine!" said Sirius fiercely. "I didn't say I agreed with any of that! Of course I don't! My family members are idiots!"

"Is everyone in the Wizarding World an idiot?"

"Yes! I've been saying that for years!" Sirius threw his hands in the air. "You being a werewolf doesn't change who you are a single bit! You're still Remus Lupin, you're just a little sick one day out of thirty! You wouldn't hurt a fly, Remus- I don't think you _could_ hurt a fly even if you wanted to, which you never would, because you're- you're Remus, damn it, and I don't care that you're a werewolf! No one in this room cares a single bit but you!"

Remus stared at Sirius. He still felt numb, but he realized that he was shaking.

James pushed past Sirius, his eyes wide. "Remus, are you alright?"

That was the final straw. Remus buried his face in his hands and started sobbing, the jerking motions pulling at his wound, the pain just making him cry harder. And then there were arms around his shoulders, and they were guiding him to a bed and he was sitting down, his head resting on someone's shoulder, and he could hear three different voices saying, "It's alright, Remus," and "We don't care, honest, Remus!" and try as he might, Remus couldn't stop crying. He buried his face in the shoulder offered to him and felt another hand on his shoulder, offering him what support they could.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed, his voice choked and mangled. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry I lied to you."

"Don't be," said Sirius gruffly, and his voice was so close Remus was sure he was the shoulder he was crying on. "You had every reason in the world not to tell us. I would have done the same thing in your shoes."

"I'm glad we found out, though," said James behind him. "You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

"And you won't have to ever again," Sirius said.

Remus drew away from him, rubbing furiously at his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his robe. Sirius and James were sitting on either side of him, surrounding him, but it no longer felt threatening- it felt comforting. Peter was sitting on the ground at his feet, and when Remus looked at him he smiled gently, concern still shining in his eyes.

Remus sniffed. "I don't know what to say," he admitted.

"Don't say anything," Sirius said. He patted his back one last time and got to his feet. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm exhausted. I still have a lot of questions for you, but they can wait for tomorrow. You need sleep. And by you, I mean me."

James and Peter got up as well. Remus rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear the last of the tears away. He felt stuffed up and puffy, but lighter, somehow, as though a thousand pounds had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Thank you," he said quietly. He may not fully understand what was going on, but he knew that, for now, his friends seemed to be accepting him- and for right now that was enough.

They all smiled at him. "We haven't done anything," James said, waving him off.

Remus shook his head furiously. "You've done a lot. You've-"

"Been decent human beings," Sirius said. He rolled his eyes. "Really, Remus, it's appalling that more people _aren't_ like this, but we haven't done anything special. Now let's drop it for tonight, I've had enough sappiness for one day."

Remus heaved himself to his feet. He was still worn out from the full moon, and the events of the past twenty minutes had left him exhausted. He fished his pajamas out of his half-packed trunk and started climbing up onto his bed, one hand grabbing for the covers.

"You don't have to do that."

Remus turned around. James and Peter were already changing, but Sirius was watching him. His lips quirked into a half-smile. "We sort of already saw you. We snuck into the hospital wing."

Remus swallowed, panic jolting his mind. He pushed it away. Sirius wasn't accusing him of anything. "Of course you did."

"We needed to make sure!" Sirius defended.

"You don't need to hide," James said, pulling his shirt over his head and mussing his hair up. "We don't care, and it's time you stop being scared about changing in your own room."

Remus still would have felt much more comfortable changing in private, but as his friends had already supported him thus far, he didn't want them to feel like he didn't trust them. So he swallowed every bit of pride he had left and tugged his robes over his head, dropping them on the floor and pulling on his shirt and pants as quickly as humanly possible. When he finished he glanced over his shoulder, heart beating, but no one was looking at him. They were all going about their usual nighttime routine. Remus, relieved, picked up his robe again, and had to admit that it _had_ been a lot easier than changing on the bed.

Remus felt something in the pocket of his robes and frowned, reaching in and pulling out two potion vials. He had completely forgotten Madam Pomfrey's instructions. Looking over at his friends, Remus tucked the bottles into his hand and started towards the bathroom to take them in private.

"What's that you got there?" James asked.

Remus flushed and muttered unintelligibly.

"Let's see it, then," Sirius said, walking over and reaching for the vials. He held them up in front of him and frowned. "You have to take these?"

"Just the one. The other's in case I'm in pain."

Sirius handed him the blood replenishing potion. Embarrassed, Remus uncorked it and took a swig, wincing at the foul taste.

Sirius took it back from him and marched over to Remus's bed. He set the two vials on the table in plain view and grinned. "Ta-da! Now you'll remember to take them tomorrow." He hopped back onto his own bed, stretching out.

"Here." Remus turned just in time to catch a Chocolate Frog that James had chucked at him. "To get the potion taste out of your mouth," he said. He wrinkled his nose. "I hate medical potions. They all taste like laundry detergent."

"How do you know what laundry detergent tastes like, James?" Sirius asked.

James grimaced. "I've repressed that childhood memory Sirius, please don't bring it up."

Sirius and Peter both laughed while James stuck his tongue out. Remus stood there, holding the chocolate frog and watching his friends.

"I'm going to bed," James said, stretching. He took off his glasses and tossed them onto his nightstand. "Night, all." He drew the curtains shut. After a few moments, Peter followed suit.

Remus walked over to his bed and sat down, still clutching the chocolate frog in both hands. Sirius, who had picked up his book again, glanced at Remus and grinned.

"We haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know," he said, flipping the page.

Remus frowned. "Why are you reading that?" he asked, his voice quiet out of respect to his two sleeping dorm-mates.

"Huh?" Sirius asked. He glanced at the cover of his book as though he'd forgotten the title. "Oh, I picked it up this morning. Thought I could do a bit of research. You know, find out more about lycanthropy, see if I can help you."

"You can't," Remus said immediately. He flushed at the bluntness of his statement. "My parents… we've already tried everything. There is no cure."

"It just hasn't been found yet," Sirius said matter-of-factly, turning back to the book.

"Sirius…" Remus fiddled with the Chocolate Frog. "You don't need to-"

"I know I don't need to."

Remus stared at his lap. "There's no cure," he said again, his voice soft.

Sirius didn't look up from his book. "There has to be something that will help," he said firmly. He glanced at Remus, his lips turned up in a half-smirk. "Stop complaining about me trying to help you and go to bed, Remus. There'll be plenty of time to be irritated with me in the morning."

"I'm not irritated."

"I know you aren't. Goodnight, Remus."

Remus obligingly slid under his blankets, setting the Chocolate Frog carefully next to his potions for tomorrow morning. He didn't feel much like chocolate right then. Before he drew the curtains shut, he said, "Thank you, Sirius."

Sirius didn't look at him, but he was smiling. "You're welcome."

Remus shut the curtains.

 **A/N: Up Next: Remus's first full moon with the support of his friends. Please leave a review! Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

The next month passed by in a blur. Remus was quiet for a few days after the confrontation, skulking uncertainly at the corner of the group and ducking his head during meals. Finally James and Sirius made certain that the ice got broken.

" _What the hell did you do?"_

Remus slid open the curtains to Sirius's bed to find both him and James sitting there, giggling. When they saw Remus they collapsed on top of each other, roaring with laughter.

Remus glared at them. "Fix it," he demanded.

"Oh, but Remus," Sirius said, wiping a tear from his eye, "you look so _dashing_."

"Simply spiffing," agreed James, and the two burst into laughter again.

Remus waited them out, still scowling. "Yes, ha-ha, very funny. Now fix it."

"But blue really is your color, Remus!" protested Sirius.

"I am _not_ going to class with _blue hair,_ Sirius," Remus snarled. He jabbed his finger at his hair, which was bright turquoise. "Fix. It."

Eventually James and Sirius did fix it, but only because Remus threatened to not check their homework for the rest of the year. At breakfast they lamented over the fact that no one had witnessed them actually getting one over on Remus Lupin- which was indeed a rare occurrence- while Remus just rolled his eyes and stabbed at his porridge.

"Children," he said simply. "I'm friends with a pair of _children_."

James and Sirius protested, but they shared a victory high-five under the table. Remus was back to normal.

After that Remus was happier than he had ever been. His place in the group reaffirmed- at least for the next month- and his secret out in the open, Remus felt lighter and more carefree than he ever had before.

That all changed two days before the full moon.

Remus could feel it approaching. His joints started to ache, his head started to hurt, and his temper shortened. Whereas before he had forced himself to hide it by clamping his mouth shut and going silent whenever he felt his temper heat up, now a reckless disregard seized him every time Sirius, James, or Peter made a stupid comment or slacked off on yet another homework assignment.

"I'm done studying," Sirius announced, shutting his History of Magic textbook.

Remus shut his eyes, trying to quell the headache building in his temples. It was the night before the full moon, and he felt especially aggravated this month for some reason. He expected that _some reason_ was James and Sirius's blatant disregard for their own education. "We just started," he said through gritted teeth.

"Sirius is right," James said, shutting his book as well. Peter quickly followed suit. "Besides, we have all weekend to study."

A part of Remus realized that, yes, James was right; it was Friday night, they did have the whole weekend.

But another part of Remus was really pissed off right now. _He_ didn't have all weekend; he'd be in the hospital wing for most of it. And while he knew it wasn't right to make his friends do anything just for him, heat surged into his face as his temper soared.

"We need to get a head start," he said, forcing his voice to remain calm. "We have that huge exam on Monday and-"

"I know it all," Sirius said dismissively.

"You fall asleep in every class," Remus said, clutching the arm of his chair.

"To soak in the knowledge," James said, nodding sagely. "Besides, we don't need to take notes. You already take awesome ones."

Remus shut his own book sharply. His three friends jumped at the sound and turned to him, surprised.

"If you all want to throw your grades away, that's fine by me," Remus snapped at them. "But you can stop counting on my notes and help to get you through. You can fail, for all I care." He stood up and marched away, his fists clenched tightly.

James watched him go, his mouth slightly ajar. "Uh, what?" he asked. He could count the number of times Remus had gotten irritated on one hand.

"What was he so mad about?" Peter asked. His cheeks were bright red, partly from the heat of the fire and partly from the confrontation.

Sirius smacked his forehead. "Of course! Tomorrow's the full moon!"

"Keep your voice down," James muttered, glancing around, but the closest people to them were a group of fifth grade girls giggling together. "What does that have to do with it?"

"Werewolves have a bunch of symptoms a few days before the full moon," Sirius whispered. "Headaches, stomach pains, fevers, colds, aching, and _mood swings._ "

"You sound like a textbook," said James.

Sirius shivered. "Never say that again."

"So you're saying Remus is having mood swings?" James asked. He made a face. "That would have been nice to know."

"Yeah," agreed Sirius. "Let's just… go easy on him. It's not his fault."

They stayed down in the common room a while longer to give Remus time to cool off. When they returned to their dorm, the curtains were closed around Remus's bed. They got ready as quietly as they could and went to bed without saying goodnight to each other.

Remus, who had indeed snapped out of his mood as soon as he had gotten to privacy, was curled up in the center of his bed listening to his friends get ready for bed. He drew his knees to his chest, shame flooding him. He hadn't meant to snap at him. They probably hated him now. And then tomorrow they would realize what a monster he was when he left for the Whomping Willow, and that would be the end of his belonging.

Remus hugged his legs closer to his chest as someone turned the lights off.

He didn't get a lot of sleep that night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus felt terrible when he woke up.

He sat up too quickly and got dizzy, and had to sit with his head between his knees for a few minutes until the world stopped spinning. When it finally did, he peeled back his blankets, which were sticky with sweat, and slowly slid aside his curtains. As soon as some light got through he moaned and fell back against his pillows, squeezing his eyes shut against his sudden headache.

After a while he worked up the courage to slide the curtains back a bit more and blink through the light. When his eyes adjusted, he saw Sirius on the bed next to him, perusing one of the werewolf books he had been reading all month.

"Morning," he said without looking over at him. He was already fully dressed. "We nicked you some breakfast."

Confused, Remus looked over at his bedside table and saw a plate of food and a mug of hot chocolate sitting there. His stomach squirmed at the idea of eating, but he was touched by the thought of it.

"Thanks," he muttered, slowly sliding his feet over the edge of his bed. "Where are James and Peter?"

"Peter wanted to ask a question about the Transfiguration exam on Tuesday, and since you weren't awake James had to go with him."

Remus frowned. "What time is it?"

"Almost eleven, I think."

"Almost- why'd you let me sleep so late?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows, finally looking over at him. "You need all the sleep you can get, don't you? How are you feeling, anyways?"

The events of last night came flooding back to Remus, and his cheeks colored with shame. "Fine," he muttered. "Listen, about last night-"

"Apology accepted," Sirius said. He grinned. "Eat up; that hot chocolate isn't getting any hotter."

Remus slid back into bed gratefully, took a few sips of his hot chocolate, and tried to force himself to eat some of his food to no avail. He set the plate back down, his stomach turning, and laid back against his pillow.

Sirius eyed the plate. "You need to eat," he said.

"I can't."

"And why not?"

"I never can," Remus muttered. "Not before…"

Understanding crossed Sirius's face. He forced a smile. "Alright, then; it's there if you want it later."

Remus made a non-committing noise and crossed his arms over his stomach, shutting his eyes for a little bit.

For a few minutes the atmosphere of the dormitory was peaceful. It was silent except for the sound of Sirius's breathing and the faint rustling of turning pages, which happened to be one of Remus's favorite sounds. He let himself relax, and was just drifting off into sleep again when-

BANG. The door shot open and Remus sat up, startled, dizziness shooting through him.

"I told you you're going to do fine, Peter," James said, marching over to his bed. He rolled his eyes as he fell back on the covers. "McGonagall said all you have to know is the switching spell for-"

"What if she was lying?" Peter squeaked, hurrying into the room after him. He was clutching his transfiguration book and a pile of notes Remus recognized as his own. "What if she's just trying to see if I've really been paying attention in class?"

"And have you?" James asked.

"I've been trying!" Peter wailed. The sound grated at Remus's ears and he winced, rubbing his aching head. "It's hard, I just get so confused in that class, and-"

"Do you two mind?" Sirius snapped. They looked at him, surprised, and he nodded at Remus, who was massaging his temples.

"Remus!" James said, brightening. "How do you feel, mate?"

"He feels terrible," Sirius answered before Remus could say anything, "and you two barging in here screaming isn't doing anything to help him."

James and Peter looked ashamed. Remus quickly shook his head. "No, I'm fine, Sirius, really. Can I help you with anything, Peter?"

Peter's face lit up. He scurried over and dropped the pile of notes on Remus's bed, and Remus sighed inwardly when he saw how crumpled they were. He would have to recopy them later.

"I just can't get a grasp on how to turn inanimate objects into animate ones," Peter said, his voice anxious. "I know you said that you have to have an idea of the characteristics you want the object to take on, so I've made lists of ideas, of course-" He fished a page of notes out of the pile and scanned it, his eyebrows furrowed. "And you said here that your wand movement should be-"

"Peter," Remus said, reaching out and taking the paper from him. He smiled, trying to calm his anxious friend down. "You're going about this all the wrong way. I know McGonagall has a way of making everything seem technical- and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, of course- but that's not the only important thing. Giving something life is a really intimate process. You can't just rely on lists and wand movements. You have to really _feel_ it. You have to forge a connection between yourself and the object, and let it tell _you_ what it wants to be and how you can make it happen."

"But how?" Peter looked even more anxious than before.

"The next time that you perform the spell," Remus said, "shut your eyes for a moment before. Hold the object. Get to know it. Think about what you want it to be- ignore your lists. It will come to you. And then, when you're calm and feel you know the object well enough to make it come alive, perform the spell."

"But I'm just not good enough to-"

"You're great at Transfiguration, Peter," Remus assured him. "You just need to take a step back and relax sometimes."

Peter looked down at the notes in his hands and then back at Remus. He was smiling hesitantly. "Okay," he said. He nodded, looking more determined. "Okay. I'll try that. Thanks, Remus."

He gathered up the notes into a neat pile and set them on Remus's bedside table as Remus sat back against his pillows, drained after the lecture but glad he could help his friend. He glanced over to find both James and Sirius watching him, eyebrows raised.

"What?" he asked wearily.

"Nothing," James said. "I'm just rethinking everything I know about Transfiguration- and that's a lot."

"Merlin, Remus, ever thought about being a professor?" Sirius asked.

Remus frowned. "Huh?"

"That was brilliant!" James said. He pushed his glasses up higher on his nose, looking excited. "I hadn't thought about it like that before, but it makes sense. I'm always trying to make everything so technically perfect, and although I'm good at Transfiguration, it always feels a bit forced. Those were great tips."

Remus shrugged, flushing. "It wasn't anything big," he muttered.

"I still think you'd be an awesome professor," Sirius insisted. "If you can teach Peter, you can teach anyone."

Peter ducked his head, and Remus threw a sharp look at Sirius. "Sirius," he said warningly, always uncomfortable when they picked on their meekest member.

"You've even got the McGonagall tone!" Sirius said, un-phased.

Remus looked down at his blanket. "I couldn't be a professor," he said quietly.

"Why not?" asked James. "You'd be much better than half the teachers here- hey, maybe you can replace Binns!"

"Binns will never leave," Sirius said, shaking his head. "I've resigned myself to that. Besides, that subject is too boring for Remus. He's got to teach something exciting, like- like Defense Against the Dark Arts!"

Remus stared at him. " _Me_? Teach Defense Against the _Dark Arts_?"

"Why is that so strange?"

Remus gritted his teeth. "That class is about defending against dark things."

"And?"

" _I'm_ a dark thing!"

"You're a teenager, Remus, and no matter what my mother says, we're not all dark creatures," Sirius said, flipping a page in his book.

"Sirius, that's not what I- ugh," Remus said, putting his head in his hands. His friends' nonchalance about his condition had been conflicting Remus all month, and now it was just adding to his headache.

"You'd be an awesome professor, Remus," James insisted, sprawling back on his bed and shutting his eyes.

"You would," Peter piped up. "Without you I wouldn't have even passed first year."

"That's very true," said Sirius.

"People don't want to be taught by a werewolf," Remus muttered, so quietly he was sure his friends wouldn't hear.

He was mistaken. They all turned to him. Sirius was glaring. Remus shrunk away, his cheeks hot.

"Would you stop with that?" Sirius demanded. "I thought you got over this weeks ago! Don't you realize it doesn't matter that you've got a little condition?"

"Maybe not to my idiotic friends, but it matters to the rest of the world!" Remus snapped. When he realized what he had said, he was horrified with himself. He clutched the blankets, looking down. "I'm- I'm sorry."

"You should be," Sirius said. Remus looked up, surprised, to find Sirius still glaring at him. "You're more than just a werewolf, Lupin, and I don't want to hear you pitying yourself anymore, alright?"

Remus twisted his blanket around his fingers and didn't respond.

" _Alright_?"

"Alright," Remus muttered.

Sirius looked pleased. He shut his book. "Good. Now, what's the plan for today?"

"The plan?"

"For the full moon," Sirius said patiently. "What do you normally do?"

It felt strange for it all to be out in the open like this. Remus hesitated. "Well, it's the weekend, so I won't be missing any classes. Normally I would sneak over to the hospital wing at lunch."

"What do you do in the hospital wing?" James asked.

Remus shrugged. "Try to get some sleep, I guess. Madam Pomfrey and I go to the Whomping Willow about an hour before-" He couldn't finish the sentence. Shame flooded through him, but his friends didn't seem to notice.

"You just sit in there?" Sirius asked, frowning. "That's boring. We'll have to fix that."

"What?" Remus asked.

Sirius waved him off. "Do you want to go now? Madam Pomfrey has stuff that makes you feel better, right?"

"Oh, no, I'm okay," Remus said, pulling his blanket higher over him. That was a lie, of course; he felt dreadful. But the idea of going to the hospital wing and staying there all day, alone, wasn't very appealing right now, not when his friends were being so supportive.

James frowned. He hopped out of bed and walked over to Remus, putting a hand on his forehead. "You're warm," he said. At his friends' looks, he shrugged. "That's what my Mum does when I'm sick. You have a fever, Remus, you ought to go see Pomfrey."

Remus shook his head. "No, I'm-" And then he started coughing. James grabbed his shoulders and braced him while he heaved, his throat aching. When he finished he fell back against the pillows, sapped of energy. "Maybe I should go," he admitted weakly.

He didn't need to say another word. His friends bustled around, helping him put on his shoes and sit up in bed. Remus's cheeks felt hot, but he couldn't tell if that was from embarrassment or the fever. He felt like an invalid, being helped like this, but he didn't have the strength to protest.

"Could you put my textbooks in my bag?" he asked as Sirius helped him stand.

James waved him off. "We can just grab you what you need when you want it. Right now, let's get you to the hospital wing."

It was weird knowing that his friends _would_ be able to get him things while he was immobilized. Remus shook the thought off and let go of Sirius, who was holding his arm as though afraid he would fall apart if left alone. "I'm fine," he said, trying to grin at him. Sirius didn't look convinced, but backed off.

The three of them walked close to Remus as they exited the dormitory. They were quite a sight marching through the common room, their pace slow to match Remus's shuffling. They were arranged in a very protective formation around him, Sirius and James on either side and Peter directly behind, ready in case he toppled backwards. If Remus wasn't seeing spots every time he moved his head, he might have been amused.

They took the long way around on Remus's insistence. "It's less crowded," he said. "Less people to see."

Halfway there he tripped. Three pairs of hands reached out to catch him. He steadied himself and looked over at Sirius, who had an arm wrapped around him, and then at James, whose hand was tight on his arm. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Remus, I swear to god, stop apologizing," Sirius said.

"Sorry," Remus said again. Then he bit his lip, realizing what he had done.

They were all silent for a few seconds. Then they all burst into laughter.

Sirius kept a firm hold on Remus even as he doubled over, and Remus was quite grateful, because he would have toppled to the ground without the support. His sides ached as he laughed, but it was a good ache, and so unnatural a few hours before the full moon it made his other symptoms hesitate, and after they had managed to collect themselves enough to keep walking he felt much stronger than before.

They reached the hospital wing and Remus made them stop so he could knock. He pushed open the door when they heard a faint, "Come in!"

The hospital wing was empty again, and Remus was grateful for that. Madam Pomfrey was making a bed in the corner. When she saw Remus she dropped the sheets and hurried over.

"You're early!" she said, surprised. "I wasn't expecting you. Are you alright, dear?"

"I'm fine," Remus said, letting her bustle him over to a bed. He sat down and took off his shoes, dropping them beside him.

His friends followed him, closing the door behind them. Both Madam Pomfrey and Remus frowned at them.

"What are you doing?" they asked at the same time.

James looked amused. "We're looking for some chairs so we can sit with Remus," he said, looking around the room. "You haven't got any to spare, do you, Madam P?"

Madam Pomfrey looked as bewildered as Remus felt. Remus stared at Sirius, who met his eyes and winked.

"Remus needs his rest!" Madam Pomfrey said. "He doesn't need you three hanging around causing trouble. Get out!"

"But, Madam-"

"No, I won't hear of it! Go on, now, run along!"

She started hustling the three boys over to the door. James and Sirius were trying to protest, and Peter looked terrified of the matron, who was puffing up like an irritated mother hen the more they fought back.

"Madam Pomfrey."

All of them froze and turned to look at Remus, who was watching from his bed. He was frowning, still staring at Sirius as though he had never seen him before.

"I'd like them to stay," he said quietly.

Madam Pomfrey was taken aback. "You do?"

Remus nodded slowly.

The matron looked from her patient and then to James and Sirius, who looked smug. There was a confused sort of frown on her face. "Well, I- I really don't think-"

"Please?" Remus asked, smiling hopefully at her.

Seeing him smile before the full moon was so foreign to Madam Pomfrey she caved in immediately. "Well, alright," she said, still doubtful. She rounded on the three boys, whose victorious smiles dripped off their faces at the sight of her expression. "You three will _behave_ yourselves. You will be quiet and respectful and not excite Remus in the slightest. When I ask you to leave, you will leave without any arguments. Do I make myself understood?"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey," James, Sirius, and Peter said together.

The matron humphed, looked at Remus again, then marched back to her office, shaking her head and muttering to herself. She slammed the door shut behind her.

James, Sirius, and Peter walked over to Remus's bed. James and Peter grabbed chairs from the other side of the room and dragged them over while Sirius threw himself across the foot of Remus's bed, stretching out like he owned it.

"Fussy one, isn't she?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair and tipping his head back.

Remus shook his head wordlessly as James and Peter settled into their seats on either side of him. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're saving you from utter boredom!" James said. "We're also going to stop you from doing any homework, because it's a Saturday and even you need to have standards. Are you up for a game of chess?"

"We could play Exploding Snap," Peter piped up.

Remus was still confused. "But it's Saturday," he said. "You don't have to-"

"We know we don't have to, we want to," Sirius said. "Is it so hard to accept the fact that we _want_ to keep you company?"

"Yeah, you're not going to get rid of us just because you're a little off-color," James said, grinning. "We're your lovable little parasites."

"That has to be the weirdest sentence I've ever heard you say," Sirius said with a grimace.

Remus tried to say something, but no words were coming out. Gratitude- inexpressible gratitude- welled up inside of him, making it hard to speak. He finally smiled and relaxed back against his pillows, relishing in the comfort of companionship.

In the end they didn't play anything at all. Instead they talked and messed around the whole day. James and Peter made several candy runs, sneaking back from their dorm with pockets full of chocolate illegal to the hospital wing. Remus even managed to eat a few. Sirius never left, but stayed stretched out on the end of Remus's bed, his legs sprawled across his bed-ridden friend, who was upbeat enough to laugh and joke along with them. James ducked out at lunch and came back with plates for the three of them, and they ate without ever leaving Remus's side.

Madam Pomfrey came out several times with different rounds of potions, ready to kick the boys out, but each time Remus's laughter made her stop. He rarely even smiled before the full moon- and that in itself was enough to make her hold her tongue, despite how much she disapproved of the whole situation. If they did anything to make him more comfortable, who was she to stop them?

Two hours before the full moon Remus lost the strength to continue joking. He sat back against his pillows, pale against the stark white sheets, and closed his eyes, listening to his friends continuing to banter around him. His head swam, and every movement made him grimace in pain. The weight of Sirius's legs over his own suddenly made him feel suffocated, but he didn't have the heart to tell him to move.

As he grew weaker and weaker, James and Peter's jokes started to falter. After a particularly long period of silence Remus cracked his eyes open to see them both staring at him, their eyes wide. Remus shut his eyes again, afraid to see disgust cross their faces. Oh, why had he let them stay?

James's voice was hardly above a whisper, but Remus heard him nevertheless. "I can't do this," he muttered to Sirius. "I'm going to head out."

There was a rustling noise and Remus felt someone gently grab his arm. He opened his eyes and blinked unsteadily up at James, squinting to make out his face in the light.

"Hey, uh- good luck tonight," he said awkwardly, clearly uncertain of what to say. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

Remus nodded with difficulty. "Thanks," he said, his voice raspy.

James clenched his jaw and nodded once before turning and leaving. Peter offered Remus his own sentiments, squeezing his hand lightly before following James.

Remus waited for Sirius to leave, too, but the other boy just readjusted himself so his head was hanging upside-down off the side of the bed.

"Whoa," he said. "Head rush."

"Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Hm?"

"Aren't you going to…"

Sirius sat up and winced. "Ouch," he said, rubbing his head. "Too fast." He shook his head then turned to Remus. "What were you saying?"

Remus looked down at his sheets. "James and Peter left," he mumbled.

Sirius waved him off. "They just wanted to go get dinner."

"You don't have to lie for them," Remus said. His heart twisted uncomfortably. "I heard James."

Sirius frowned at him. "Remus, don't take that personally. It isn't what it sounded like. James just… it's hard, you know? Seeing you like this. He just couldn't bear to watch you in pain anymore."

"I'm not in pain."

"You know, you don't have to lie, either," Sirius said. He grinned and knocked Remus's arm with his elbow. "Cheer up, Remy. Do you want anything? Chocolate? More blankets?"

Remus shook his head, sliding lower in bed. "I'm fine. Thanks, Sirius."

"Don't mention it." Sirius flipped over so he was lying on his stomach and rested his chin on his fists. "Actually, do mention it. If you wanted to let it slip to some of those third year Hufflepuff girls what a _great_ friend and how _wonderfully_ devoted I am-"

Remus laughed softly and shut his eyes. His head was pounding, but he felt better knowing he wasn't alone.

After a few minutes of silence, he said, "I'm sorry I'm not very good company right now."

"Ah, you're always good company, Remus. Why do you think we're friends with you?"

"I figured it was pity," Remus said with a weak smile.

Sirius sat up and frowned sharply. "That's a joke, right?"

Remus blinked. "Uh… yes?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "No, it isn't. What do you mean, you think it's pity?"

Remus shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. He hadn't thought Sirius would take him seriously; he had just been trying to match Sirius's banter. "I was just joking, Sirius, really."

"Remus, I've lived with you for nearly two years. I can tell when you're joking. What do you mean by pity?"

"Sirius-"

"Remus."

Remus stared down at his hands, suddenly fascinated with his nails. "I don't want to talk about it, Sirius."

"Remus-"

"Please, Sirius."

Sirius frowned but relented. "Fine," he said. "But you and I are going to talk once you feel better."

Remus didn't have the strength to respond, but was saved when Madam Pomfrey came bustling out of her office.

"I must insist that you leave right now, Mr. Black," she said firmly, crossing her arms. "No arguing."

Sirius grinned at her. "I'll go, Madam. Can I just have a minute alone with Remus?"

Madam Pomfrey threw her hands up in exasperation. "I've already broken all my own rules today, haven't I? Oh, go ahead, but when I come back you are _leaving_."

She marched back into her office, leaving the two boys alone.

Sirius slid off the bed and straightened his robes. "Well, I guess I have to finally leave," he said, grinning down at Remus.

Remus tried to smile back, but he was so exhausted and sore he could barely manage it. "Thank you, Sirius," he said quietly. "For staying."

"Did it help at all?" Sirius asked, and he looked so earnest Remus found the strength to really smile.

"Yes, it did," he said. "It means a lot."

"Then I'll do it every time," he promised. He reached down and gave Remus's shoulder a light squeeze. "No matter what happens tonight… you'll still have us, you know that, right? Me and James and Peter- we'll be here as soon as the sun rises."

Remus felt tears well up in his eyes, but he repressed them. He knew emotional things made Sirius uncomfortable. He contented himself with a grin. "Okay," he said.

Madam Pomfrey threw open her door. "Mr. Black, get _out of here_!"

Sirius threw his hands up in surrender, winked at Remus, then marched out the door. Madam Pomfrey slammed it shut behind him.

"Those boys," she huffed, walking over to Remus's bed and pulling a potions vial out of her pocket. She pushed it to his lips and he obligingly drank. "I'm surprised my hospital wing is still standing after having them in here all day."

Remus swallowed the ghastly potion. "Thank you for letting them stay, Madam," he said quietly.

Madam Pomfrey's face softened. "Oh, anything for you, Remus, dear," she said, patting his cheek. "As long as they behave themselves, it's worth it to see you smiling. Now then, are you ready to go?"

She helped Remus out of bed and into his shoes. Every movement sent pain coursing through his tensed muscles and his groaning joints, which were all preparing to be stretched and broken in less than an hour's time. When she had him sufficiently bundled, Madam Pomfrey wrapped an arm around Remus's shoulder and helped guide him to the door.

It was a quick and chilly walk to the Whomping Willow, but Remus's mind was back inside the warm castle with his friends. What were they doing right now? Eating dinner? He wished, more than anything, that he was in there with them right now.

Madam Pomfrey said goodbye to him at the tunnel and left him to make the damp trek alone, but still, he kept his thoughts on his friends. He remembered some stupid joke that James had made earlier and felt a small smile cross his face as he pushed open the trapdoor and climbed into the house, shutting it firmly behind him.

Dread started washing over Remus now that he was inside the depressing, dark house, the reality of what was about to happen hitting him. Remus grit his teeth against the pain as he shimmied out of his robes and folded them up neatly, laying them in a cupboard off to the side. When he had stripped down he sat with his back to the wall, pressing himself into a shielded corner as if that would somehow stop what was about to happen.

Remus squeezed his eyes shut as tremors started wracking his body. It was starting. And suddenly terrible images leapt to his mind- his friends hearing him howling and deciding they had been mistaken, they didn't really want to be his friend anymore- the wolf breaking out and roaming the grounds- himself prowling the corridors and somehow finding his way to Gryffindor tower, retracing his familiar steps to his dormitory-

Remus let out a faint sob, shaking his head, and different words floated into his mind even as pain shot through his legs and arms and midsection. _No matter what happens tonight… you'll still have us, you know that, right? Me and James and Peter- we'll be here as soon as the sun rises._

Remus would have smiled if he wasn't doubled over in pain, already clawing at the floor as his hands started lengthening. It was the last thought he had before he lost control of his mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus woke up to the sound of wind whistling through the trees. Through his sleep-filled daze he felt a small smile cross his face. He liked trees. And he liked wind. Although he didn't really like being outside much. Since when did he sleep outside?

He tried to move, but his arms were weighed down by something. The wind was becoming sporadic, coming in short bursts now. He felt his eyelids twitching, struggling to open, and as he came to he heard someone cough next to him. The ground beneath him was spongy and not at all outdoorsy.

Remus forced his eyes open, confused. All he could see was white. He waited for several seconds, blinking up, until the room came into focus. He was in the hospital wing. He glanced down at his body to see he was covered in several thick blankets. He frowned. Where had the wind come from?

Taking a deep breath through his nose, Remus twisted his head to the side to see a figure sitting in the seat next to his bed. Their feet were kicked up onto his mattress, tipping the chair back leisurely. They were flipping through the pages of a book, stopping to skim every once in a while. That had been the sound Remus had mistaken for wind.

The book lowered slightly and Remus saw grey eyes look down at him. They crinkled at the corners as their owner smiled.

"Morning," Sirius said, lowering the book. "About time you woke up. It was getting dreadfully boring just sitting here staring at you."

Remus's lips were too dry to even consider opening. He tried to move, but pain shot through his arms and he winced, falling back on the mattress.

Sirius grimaced. "Yeah, Pomfrey said not to move. You broke your arm last night. How'd you do that?"

Remus tried to move his right arm and found that it was wrapped in thick bandages. He rubbed his eyes with his left hand, his senses starting to come back to him. He was sore all over. He felt another bandage on his cheek, and when he tried to move his right foot pain shot through his ankle. Sprained, it felt like. He licked his lips, which were cracked and dry.

"Here," Sirius said, grabbing a glass of water off the bedside table and holding it out. He took one look at Remus's arms and then slid his own under Remus's back, awkwardly trying to lift him up so he could drink. They barely managed it, and when Remus had drunk half the glass he shut his lips and turned away, his stomach rolling. Sirius lowered him back down.

"That went better than expected!" he said brightly.

"What time is it?" Remus asked, his voice harsh and crackly.

"About ten in the morning," Sirius said. "Let me tell you, trying to get in here was one of the most difficult things we've ever done. Pomfrey had it locked up _tight_. Finally she took a loo break and we used Alohamora to break in, and when she saw us sitting here she couldn't very well tell us that you weren't here. I'm pretty sure she knows that we know, but I don't care as long as she lets us stay. Might be better this way, actually."

Remus frowned. "We?"

"Oh, yeah, James and Peter were here, too, but they left about twenty minutes ago. James had Quidditch practice and you know him- always needs an audience, so Peter went to stoke his ego. They should be back in a few hours, or as soon as the pitch is cleared of any and all girls." He rolled his eyes.

Remus coughed, the motion raking across his sore throat. "Why are- why are you here?"

Sirius frowned. "One of my best mates is lying in a hospital bed- where else would I be?"

"It's Sunday," Remus said. "That's the entire weekend you'll be wasting keeping me company."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "It's not _wasting_ , stupid. There'll be plenty more weekends to come. Now, Pomfrey told me to fetch her as soon as you woke because she has some potions to give you." He set the book he had been reading on the bedside table and got to his feet. Remus glanced at it and found it was another werewolf book. He grimaced.

"Sirius, why are you still reading those?"

"Light reading," Sirius said, turning away.

"Sirius-"

"I'm just trying to learn a bit more, okay? Relax, you'll hurt yourself if you keep worrying." He winked over his shoulder and marched off to Madam Pomfrey's closed office door.

A moment later the matron was at Remus's bedside with a tray of potions. "Goodmorning, dear," she said, setting it down on top of the book. Remus watched it teeter with a frown. "How do you feel?"

"Fine, Madam." Sirius was standing behind Madam Pomfrey, watching curiously as she started uncorking vials and holding them up to Remus's lips, listing them as she went like she always did. She knew Remus liked to know what she was doing.

"Blood replenishing," she murmured. "Bone strengthening, for your arm…Skelegrow… a bit of pain-reliever- don't look at me like that, dear, you've never once told me you're in pain and I know that's not true at all, drink up-"

Remus flushed as he gulped down the foul potion, aware that Sirius was still watching behind the matron's back.

"Let's see that ankle, now, dear," Madam Pomfrey said. She reached for his blankets to pull them down then stopped, looking over her shoulder as though just realizing Sirius was still there. "Off you go, Mr. Black, this is none of your business."

Sirius looked ready to protest, and Remus, afraid his friend would say something stupid, said, "It's alright, Madam, really. I don't mind."

Madam Pomfrey narrowed her eyes at him and Remus fidgeted, uncomfortable. Then she sighed and drew back the covers, muttering something about 'privacy' and 'foolish, nosy teenagers'.

Remus was only wearing a pair of boxers underneath the blankets, but his attention was immediately drawn to his ankle. He found that he had been wrong about it; it wasn't sprained, it was just torn to shreds. His stomach turned over and he immediately looked at Sirius, who was staring down at it with wide eyes. _He should have left._

"You did a fair bit of damage to it," Madam Pomfrey said, pulling out her wand. "Nothing that can't be healed, of course, but you'll have a few more scars." Her expression softened and she laid a gentle hand on Remus's leg, right above the ankle, as though to hold it down. "This will hurt, dear," she said, "but it'll be over soon."

She started on the healing, and fresh pain shot through Remus's leg. His ankle was uncomfortably warm, and he turned away, unable to look as the skin started knitting itself back together, covering the bones. He gave a sharp intake of breath as his back arched, sending a fresh wave of aching through his arm as well. He squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lips to repress a moan of pain.

Something gripped his hand. He wrenched his eyes open to see Sirius standing there, his face pale and drawn. He was holding onto Remus's hand, which was clenched tight on his blanket. Remus immediately gripped onto his friend's fingers and squeezed as his ankle continued to burn, the pain completely taking over his mind until the only thing anchoring him was Sirius's grip. He was certain that he must be crushing Sirius's fingers, but it was physically impossible for him to lessen his grip, and Sirius was gripping just as hard back.

And then Madam Pomfrey's chants stopped and his ankle went numb, the pain rushing out. Remus's entire body went limp as he fell back against the mattress, soaking wet with sweat and breathing heavily. He felt bandages being wrapped around his ankle, which he knew was only half-healed. Werewolf wounds couldn't be healed all the way with magic.

"Is he alright?" Sirius's voice was tense.

"He's fine, Mr. Black," Madam Pomfrey said. Remus felt her tie off the bandage. "He just needs some rest now."

"Alright," Sirius said, though he sounded uncertain. "I'll just read my book."

Madam Pomfrey made a strange noise in the back of her throat- it sounded like exasperation. She didn't protest, however, and a moment later Remus heard her office door shut.

Remus was still panting. Madam Pomfrey hadn't drawn the blankets back over him, and Remus was grateful; he was hot all over, and although the pain reliever was starting to kick in, his arm and ankle still hurt. He felt his face contort with pain as he shifted his head, trying to find a position that hurt less than the others.

He heard Sirius sit down in the chair next to him.

"Remus?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Remus asked.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine."

Sirius made a sound that sounded eerily like Madam Pomfrey's had. "She's right, you never say when you're in pain. Can I get you anything?"

Remus shook his head, feeling himself starting to relax. He realized dimly that Madam Pomfrey had probably slipped some Dreamless Sleep potion into one of the vials, because it was getting harder and harder to focus.

"Sirius?" he hummed.

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

There was a beat of silence. "You're welcome."

"Hmm."

Everything went dark.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Remus woke up again he was alone. Sirius's book was still lying on the bedside table, but the chair next to him was empty. Someone had drawn the covers back over him. Remus blinked, confused; he felt much stronger than he had when he had woken up the first time.

As he was getting his bearings, the door opened and Peter walked in. He froze when he saw Remus was awake. Then a hesitant smile slid across his face.

"Hi Remus," he said quietly, walking over.

"Hi Peter," Remus said, his voice still rough but less warped than before. He managed to push himself up in bed using his left arm. Madam Pomfrey must have done something to his other arm, because it hurt less to move it now and he had fresh bandages. "What time is it?"

"After dinner," Peter said. "James missed it because he was sitting with you so he and Sirius snuck down to the kitchens. I wasn't hungry so I decided to come up and see if you were awake." A sheepish smile spread across his face. "I didn't think you really would be. Madam Pomfrey said you might not wake up until tomorrow."

Remus returned the smile. Peter walked around the bed and sat down in Sirius's vacated seat, his toes barely brushing the floor.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Better," Remus said truthfully.

Peter raised his eyebrows. "Sirius said if you said you were fine, you were probably lying."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius is an idiot. I really do feel better, Peter. Not totally fine, but better."

Peter smiled. "That's good." His eyes lit up. "Hey, I tried that Transfiguration trick you taught me, and it worked! My cup still couldn't move but it did this little dance, kind of a hula type thing- I think I'll be able to perfect it by the exam tomorrow!"

Remus grinned. "That's fantastic! I knew you could do it."

"You were the only one," said Peter.

Remus waved him off. "Sirius and James tease you, Peter, but they don't really mean it. You're smart; you just need to channel your focus."

"Ah, Professor Remus is back."

Both of them turned to see James and Sirius enter. James had a handful of biscuits, and Sirius was sipping a glass of pumpkin juice.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Remy," James said, grinning at him. "Biscuit?"

"I'm alright," Remus said, returning the smile.

James sat cross legged at the bottom of the bed while Sirius flopped on the bed next to Remus, stretching out with a groan. "I'm exhausted," he said. He glanced over at Remus. "You look better."

"I feel better."

"I'm glad my presence strengthened you," James said, patting Remus's uninjured ankle and spraying crumbs all over the bedsheet.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "He was unconscious when you were here, you twit."

"He could sense my presence!"

"That's probably why he stayed unconscious."

"You know what, Black-"

"Thank you guys for coming," Remus broke in before they could start arguing. He looked around at each of them in turn, trying to convey his gratitude. "It means a lot."

James waved him off. "Don't mention it, mate." He popped another biscuit in his mouth. "How long until you're released?"

Remus hesitated, glancing down at his bandaged arm. "Probably not until tomorrow night- if I'm lucky. You'll have to take notes for me."

Sirius sighed heavily. "You're lucky we're such good friends, because taking notes is a right _bore_."

"It will also make sure you _pay attention_ , and maybe then you'll pass the class," Remus pointed out.

"We always pass!" James said. At Peter's imploring look, he rolled his eyes and handed over his last cookie. "Oh, alright; next time, come with us."

"I don't know why you're so concerned about us passing," Sirius said. "If you all failed I'd be delighted, because then I'd be a year ahead of you and I'd be _older_ than all of you."

"I don't think you understand the concept of birthdays, Sirius," Remus said dryly.

"I don't want to fail!" Peter squeaked, looking up from his half-finished cookie. "My mum would kill me!"

"So would my mum," agreed James. He reached over and nudged Sirius with his foot. "She'd kill you, too, you know. We'd be dead men."

Sirius shivered. "The wrath of Mrs. Potter. Not something I'd like to face."

They talked for the rest of the evening until Madam Pomfrey finally kicked them out at six. They all said goodbye to Remus and then left, joking and jostling each other on the way out.

Remus pulled the covers further up over him. He thought he would enjoy the first peace and quiet he'd gotten all day- not counting the times he'd been unconscious- but the hospital wing felt big and empty without his friends there messing around. He sighed, trying to repress the sudden wave of loneliness. He had gotten through every full moon up until now without any company; he could stand one night.

He managed to drift into an uneasy sleep, waking up every fifteen minutes and groaning before trying to shut his eyes again. Around eight Madam Pomfrey checked on him one last time before turning in for the night.

The ward was pitch black except for the white light of the moon streaming in through the windows. It fell across the room in blocks, stretching and squirming as it tried to fill every inch of it. Remus's eyes were fixed on it. It was taunting him; _you're mine_ , it seemed to say. Even when Remus was safely locked away inside the castle, it could get at him.

He tugged his knees to his chest when the light crept onto the bottom of his bed, ignoring the pain in his ankle and arm. A wave of helplessness and disgust at himself for being so afraid of some stupid light ran through him like a bolt of electricity and he let out a shaky half-sob. He immediately clapped his hand over his mouth, not wanting to wake Madam Pomfrey, but he couldn't help the tears that were welling up in his eyes. And still the moon kept creeping across his bed, creeping around the whole room.

 _You're mine. You're mine. You're mine. You're-_

The door opened and Remus jumped. His scream died in his throat when he saw that no one was there. Through the crack he could see the empty corridor, also covered in moonlight. Oh, Merlin, was it trying to creep through there, too? Another sob welled up in the back of Remus's throat. _You're mine. You're mine. You're mine._

Then the door shut of its own accord and a dark shape appeared out of thin air. "Remus?"

Remus squinted through the darkness as the figure approached. "What the… Sirius?"

He came to the bedside and his features swam into view. He was frowning. "Remus, is something wrong?"

"Sirius…" All the panic flooded out of Remus, leaving him feeling very, very stupid. He buried his face in his hands to hide himself from view, glad that Sirius was there and wishing he wasn't at the same time.

"Remus?" The mattress creaked as Sirius sat down beside him. There was a pause and then Sirius put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. "What's the matter? Are you hurt? Should I get Madam Pomfrey?"

Remus shook his head, not removing his hands.

Another hesitation. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Remus shook his head again. "Why are you here?" he asked, his voice muffled.

"I couldn't sleep, and I wanted to see if you were awake and needed company."

"You…" Remus let out a shaky laugh, his voice still stifled by his hands. It was such a _Sirius_ thing to do; even right here, in the darkness with nothing but that wretched moon to light the room, he could always depend on Sirius to do something _Sirius-like._

"Er… are you sure you're alright?" Sirius asked.

Remus lifted his hands. Sirius was sitting next to him, his face half lit by the moonlight, the other swathed in darkness. Both sides looked concerned. The mirth died on Remus's face.

"I'm fine," he said quietly, aware that Madam Pomfrey was in the room next to him. "Really. You should go back and get some sleep."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "After that? I don't think so, Lupin, I'm not leaving you alone. Budge up."

Remus shifted so Sirius could curl up on the foot of his bed, a spot which was becoming Sirius's fast favorite.

Calm again, Remus drew his legs to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. He peered down at Sirius, who was sprawled out on the foot of the bed, staring up at him.

"Want to tell me why you were crying?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked down, embarrassment flooding him. No twelve year old boy wants to be caught crying by his best mate, even if that twelve year old boy _was_ a monster.

"Not particularly."

"You realize that you have to, right?"

"That's what I'm afraid of."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, and Remus kicked him lightly. " _Shh,_ Madam Pomfrey's in her office," he whispered.

Sirius sobered. "Seriously, Remus, you can tell me. I promise I won't laugh."

Remus picked at the bandage on his arm. "It's stupid," he muttered.

"If it made you cry, it isn't stupid. Was it your ankle?"

"No, I wasn't hurt."

"Oh." Remus could practically hear Sirius thinking. "What was it, then?"

Remus shrugged without looking at him. "I was scared," he murmured.

"Of what?"

Remus couldn't answer, but his eyes shot over to the window of their own accord. Sirius followed his gaze with a deep frown.

"The window?" he asked, confused.

Remus didn't answer. He went back to picking his bandage.

Sirius stared at the window, squinting at the moonlight. Then he looked down at his legs, which were coated in white light. "Oh," he said. "The moonlight."

"I told you it was stupid," Remus said, waiting to hear Sirius's laugh.

It didn't come. "That's not stupid, Remus," Sirius said, shifting so he could look up at his friend. "I understand."

"No, you don't," Remus said. He grit his teeth, shame flooding through him. "You don't understand, James doesn't understand, Peter doesn't understand, Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore and my parents- none of you understand! None of you know how-" His breath hitched and he stopped himself before going any further. He squeezed his eyes shut to try and hold back his tears. Now he had done it. He'd yelled at Sirius, and now Sirius was going to hate him. Well, it was about time, wasn't it?

"You're right."

Remus opened his eyes. Sirius was still looking up at him, his eyes flashing white in the reflected light of the moon.

"You're right," he repeated. "I don't understand. None of us do, not really. But we're trying. That's why I'm reading all those books. I want to understand what you're going through so I can help you."

Remus shook his head. "Those books won't help you, Sirius. I've read every single one of them. Sure, they tell you all about the medical side, the legal side, the debate over whether I'm really human or if I should be put down before I tear society apart with my bare claws- but they were all written by humans, Sirius, and they don't understand, either. No one understands." Remus shuddered, a chill creeping through him as though the temperature in the room had dropped ten degrees. "And I appreciate what you're doing- what all of you are doing- but it can't help."

Sirius shifted again. "Try me," he said.

Remus glanced over to see his friend's set face. "What?"

"Try me," Sirius repeated. "I want to understand. Make me understand. What's it like to transform? I know which bones break and how your claws form, but how does it feel?"

Remus blinked at him, caught off guard by the request. "It's- not fun," he started lamely. He waited for Sirius to make some joke about that, but the other boy was silent, staring at him from the bottom of the bed. Remus turned away, focusing instead on the patch of moonlight on the floor next to him. "I walk through the tunnel alone," he said. "It's dark and cold and filled with all sorts of bugs. I don't like bugs. Never have. And at the end of the tunnel is a trap door and I climb up and into the shack, and it's- it's horrible, Sirius. It's falling apart and scratched and blood-stained, and every piece of furniture has bite marks, and I've thrown myself at the doors enough times to make permanent dents. But it's safe, of course, and there's no way I can get out. And it's the closest thing the wolf has to a home, so it feels like- it feels like my home."

A shiver wracked Remus's body, and he kept his eyes carefully away from Sirius, afraid to see his expression, but it was as if the floodgates had opened and Remus couldn't stop now.

"And I hate that feeling, like I just walked into a place where I should feel comfortable and safe and I look around and it's just this haunted, worn-down old house, and I think to myself every time, what kind of thing thinks this place is _home_? What kind of monster could ever feel safe here?

"And then I take off my robes so they don't get torn when I transform and I wait. Downstairs, usually, on the floor; the wolf doesn't like stairs, and if I start up there it will just throw itself down in confusion. It's not really all that smart. At least, I don't think it is; I can't remember much afterwards, just bits and pieces, but from what I can tell the wolf is too bloodthirsty to think straight most of the time."

"What about when the moon rises?" Sirius's voice was hushed. Remus still didn't look at him as he responded.

"I can always feel it," Remus said. "As it's rising. Like this pull in my gut, I know it's coming. And when it breaks the horizon I start getting tremors all up and down my arms and legs, but it really starts when the moon rises high enough for the moonlight to seep in through the window, and then- and then-" Remus's shaky voice ground to a halt. He was staring at the moonlight on the ground with wide eyes, trembling all over. He was there, in the shack; the safety of the hospital wing was just an illusion and Sirius was there, and the moonlight was coming, and he could feel the pain in his arm and his ankles and he's starting to transform and Sirius needed to get out of here, he needs to leave before Remus-

"Remus."

Something forced his head away from the moonlight. Remus turned and locked eyes with Sirius, who was watching him with worry. Remus realized that his shoulders were heaving, and his lungs didn't seem to be working. He was hyperventilating. Was he having a panic attack? It wouldn't be the first time.

"I'm getting Madam Pomfrey," Sirius said resolutely, turning to go.

Remus caught his wrist and shook his head, trying to slow his breathing. "Don't," he gasped out. "Please. She'll- potions- I don't want-"

"You don't want a potion," Sirius completed for him. He slid back onto the bed and Remus felt his shoulders relax, relieved he wasn't going to get the matron. "Okay. Okay, I won't get her. It's okay, Remus, you're safe now, come on-"

When Remus showed no signs of calming down, Sirius gently pushed him aside and sat down next to him on the bed. He wrapped an arm around Remus's skinny shoulders. "It's okay, Remus, you're not alone."

Remus leaned against Sirius's side, relishing in the companionship, but he couldn't control his breathing. He needed to talk, though, he needed to finish what he had started, even if his breath hitched on every word.

"And then- my bones- break- and I grow claws- and fangs- and fur- and it hurts, Sirius, it really, really hurts, and I always forget how bad it hurts until it's happening-"

"Remus, you don't have to-"

"And I can feel the wolf taking over, Sirius, I can feel my own mind shutting down and the wolf taking over, and it's- it's terrible inside its head, Sirius, its mind is- it locks me up in there and I can't get out and it just wants to kill, it would kill you and James and Peter without a second thought and I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop myself and I would probably _enjoy_ it, Sirius, I would enjoy it because I'm a monster and I'm too weak to fight back and I should be- I should be-"

Remus's hyperventilation slid neatly into sobs. He turned his head into Sirius's shoulder and felt strong hands holding onto him.

"You should be what?" he heard Sirius's quiet voice ask over his sobs.

"I should be killed!" Remus wailed, his worries about Madam Pomfrey forgotten. "You've read the books, Sirius, I should be killed! I'm not even classified as human! And every full moon I'm certain that this is the one, this'll be the one that does me in, and I'm- I'm okay with that, Sirius. And I'm weak for just giving in like that but it's the truth!"

Sirius shifted so Remus could settle more comfortably on his shoulder and let him cry. Remus buried himself in the fabric of Sirius's nightshirt and sobbed, twelve years of pent-up emotions spilling out. He had never told any of this to anyone- not to his mother, who would cry even harder than him, and surely not to his father, who avoided any mention of Remus's condition like the plague.

It felt like hours until Remus finally calmed down enough to stop crying. He sat there, leaning against Sirius's shoulder, which was wet from his tears, breathing heavily, as though he'd just run a mile.

"I understand," Sirius said quietly. "I understand now. But you're wrong."

Remus was so startled he sat up. "What?"

Sirius was staring at him, and even in the dark Remus could make out his sad expression. "You're wrong," he repeated. "You're not a monster, and you most certainly do not deserve to die. What happens to you sucks. It really does, and there's no getting around it. But it's not your fault."

Remus dropped his gaze. "I'm-"

"You're not," Sirius insisted. He shifted, turning around so he could look Remus in the face. "Name one bad thing you've done while you were human," he said.

"I-" Remus stopped. Hesitated. "I yelled at you, James, and Peter on Friday."

"Because we were being pricks and you were trying to study," Sirius said, waving him off. "Doesn't count. Continue."

Remus blinked. "I lied to you from the moment I met you."

"Because you were afraid we were going to judge you, and we might have done so if we knew about your condition right off the bat. You get a free pass for that one. Keep going."

Remus growled in irritation. "How can I do this if every time I say something you write it off?"

"Because you keep listing stuff that doesn't count!" Sirius said. He raised his eyebrows. "See? You can't even name a single legitimate reason why you're a bad person. Now, can you name all the good stuff you've done while you were human?"

Remus frowned. "Um… I don't…"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course you can't. I'll help you, then, shall I? One." He held up one finger. "You helped Peter with Transfiguration despite the fact that you had a fever and probably felt like jumping out the window."

"Anyone would have-"

"Two." Sirius held up another finger. "You tell James and me off for picking on _everyone._ Peter, Evans, even _Snivellus_ \- you've never once participated in any teasing. Ever. Even Peter's teased Snivellus and the firsties on occasion."

"That's just because I'm-"

"Three. You were late to every class the first day of school because you were busy making sure all the first years knew where their classes were, and you didn't try to fight back when McGonagall tried to give you detention for it until a Prefect swooped in."

"There were lots of other students who-"

"Four. You heard all the rumors about me the first month of school but not once did you ever outwardly judge me for it, even when I made you move to a different bed because I wanted the one by the window or when I told you to piss off when you asked if I was alright. Peter was terrified of me because I was a Black, and even James argued with me about my family, but you- you gave me a fair shot when no one else would."

"Stop." Remus rubbed his eyes. "Sirius, anyone could have done those things. You're blowing them out of proportion."

"Now, you're blowing them into proportion!" Sirius frowned. "Wait, that didn't come out right. The point is, you completely ignore everything good about yourself and focus on the one thing that isn't your fault. 'Werewolf' isn't your main personality trait, Remus! It's one little tiny aspect of you, and it's not your fault. It's unfortunate, but it's not your fault. Just once, can you try to forget about it and focus on what makes you a good human being?"

"I'm not a human being," Remus mumbled.

Sirius grabbed Remus's hand and pressed it against his own so they were palm to palm. He held them up in front of Remus's eyes, a side by comparison of their hands, Remus's tiny, bony one dwarfed by Sirus's long piano fingers.

Sirius pointed to his hand. "Human." He pointed to Remus's. "Also human."

Remus pulled away. "Not-"

"For twelve hours out of thirty days you grow some fur and you're not yourself. But for all the other hours of the month you're…" he grabbed Remus's hand again and held it up. "Human."

Remus stared at his hand as though he had never seen it before. When Sirius let go he continued to look at it, a frown on his face.

"And for all those hours you're Remus," Sirius said quietly. "A human being who likes to drink extra strong hot chocolate on weekends but only chamomile tea during the weekdays because you believe sugar is special and should be kept mostly for special days. A human being who knows exactly how to bend the rules so we're not _technically_ breaking them and can't be put in detention. A human being who's never judged anyone without really knowing them and who's always there for his friends- friends that just want to be there for him, too."

Remus clenched his hand into a fist, still staring at it. He took a long, shaky breath, fully calm for the first time since Sirius had arrived.

"Sure, you're a little strange sometimes," Sirius continued. Remus glanced up at him, one corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. "I mean, who folds their socks? Who has the _time_ to fold their socks? And treacle tart, come on, no one actually eats that stuff but you. And don't even get me started on that victory dance you did when you saw your exam scores last year-"

"Alright, I get it," Remus said with a laugh. "I'm a freak."

"Yeah, you are," Sirius said. He smirked. "But so am I."

"Yeah, you are."

"Hey, you're not supposed to agree with me on that!" Sirius protested, feigning indignation. "You're supposed to say, 'No you're not, Sirius! You're so cool and handsome and all the ladies love you and-'"

"I'm a good person, Sirius," Remus said somberly. "I can't lie."

Sirius narrowed his eyes, but his grin gave him away. "Don't use my pep talk against me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," said Remus. He smiled. "Thanks, Sirius."

"No problem. Now, scoot over, I'm exhausted." Sirius threw himself back against the pillows, yawning loudly. "Merlin, it's late. I left around midnight, and it must be- what- one? Two?"

Remus laid back as well, his eyelids heavy, a smile on his face. "And you've got classes in the morning," he said.

Sirius yawned again. "Nah," he said, his voice already thick with sleep. "I'm thinking about being sick tomorrow."

"You can't decide to be sick."

"I can decide to act sick."

"You're a disgrace to Hogwarts, Sirius Black."

"I'm a disgrace to a lot of things," Sirius said. He shut his eyes.

"You don't really think that, do you?" When he got no response, Remus glanced over, only to find that Sirius was fast asleep, splayed out across Remus's pillow.

Remus sighed and shut his eyes, and within seconds he was asleep, too.

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"Goodness gracious! Mr. Black, what are you doing here?"

Remus opened his eyes. Early morning sunshine filled the hospital wing, and Madam Pomfrey was standing there, her arms crossed, glaring down at him.

Remus blinked. No. Not him. He was hanging half off the bed. And the person pushing him off…

He heard a garbled groan right next to him and turned to see a foot in his face.

"Ah!"

Remus sat straight up, startled. Sirius was sprawled out next to him, his feet on the pillow, his head and arms spread eagled at the foot of the bed. He was frowning, his eyes still shut.

"Five m' minutes," he mumbled, turning away from the bright sunlight.

Madam Pomfrey's nostrils flared. "I think not!" she said, moving to shake him awake.

"I wouldn't, Madam," Remus said quickly. "He hits."

"He _what?_ "

The door flew open with a bang. "Good morning hospital wing!" James cried, marching in. He froze when he saw what was going on. "So that's where Sirius has been!"

Sirius groaned again, throwing an arm over his eyes to cover them.

"Enough of this!" Madam Pomfrey said, moving again to touch Sirius's arm.

"Don't, Madam Pomfrey!" Peter cried, hurrying in behind James. "He hits!"

Madam Pomfrey threw her hands in the air. "It's too early for you three!" she shouted.

"I'll do it," Remus said.

"He rarely hits Remus," James agreed.

" _Rarely_?" asked the matron.

Remus reached out and poked Sirius's arm. He ducked at the arm that came flailing out at him and sat up again, eyes narrowed. He leaned in close to Sirius's ear and shouted, "SIRIUS BLACK!"

Sirius shouted in alarm and sat up so fast he fell off the bed, taking half the blankets with him. James fell to the ground next to him, laughing, and Peter stood in the doorway, staring at Madam Pomfrey in fear.

"Mr. Black, what are you doing in my hospital wing?" Madam Pomfrey demanded. "I have half a mind to ban you for life! Visiting hours don't start until an hour before classes, and I most certainly do not condone visitors sharing beds with patients who need all the rest they can get!"

"Aw, were you and Remus having a little nappy?" James asked with a snicker.

Sirius sat up, rubbing his head. "We were talking and we fell asleep," Sirius snapped at him.

"That's adorable."

"Potter-"

"MR. BLACK!"

Sirius turned to Madam Pomfrey, his eyes wide. The matron was seething, and Sirius seemed to realize that he was actually in trouble.

"Madam Pomfrey?"

They all turned to Remus, who was still sitting in the destroyed bed. He was staring at the matron with wide eyes. "Madam, please- Sirius came in last night with a fever, but he knew you'd been working really hard with me, and he didn't want to wake you. And then I had- I had a panic attack," Remus said, hesitating only slightly with James and Peter in the room. "And I told Sirius not to get you so he sat with me until it passed. And then we were both so tired and sick we fell asleep. It wasn't his fault, really, Madam."

Madam Pomfrey spluttered, looking back and forth from Sirius to Remus, both of whom were looking at her innocently. Then she sighed. "Come here, Mr. Black, let me feel your temperature."

Sirius scrambled to his feet and walked over to the matron. She felt his forehead and frowned. "You don't feel warm," she said.

"I feel better," Sirius said. He winced and rubbed his throat. "My throat still hurts, though. And I feel a little nauseous. And my head hurts. And-"

"He was really unwell last night, Madam," Remus interrupted before Sirius could continue.

"You'd best lie down, then," Madam Pomfrey said. "In your _own_ bed."

Sirius scrambled into the bed next to Remus, and when the matron's back was turned, he winked at him.

"Remus," Madam Pomfrey said, walking closer to his bed with a softened expression, "you know I have things to give you for your panic attacks. I told you you could tell me, didn't I?"

Remus looked down. "Yes, Madam. I just- we knew you were so tired, and we-"

"Never worry about me, boys," Madam Pomfrey said, smiling at both of them. "I'll go fetch some potions for you two."

She turned and hurried back into her office without another word.

"You're sick, Sirius?" Peter asked, looking worried.

"Not at all," Sirius said. He grinned at Remus. "I'm impressed, Lupin."

Remus shrugged modestly. "It's all in the eyes."

"That was the most convincing acting I've ever seen out of you," James said. A grin slid onto his face. "Now, about the whole bed situation-"

"If you'd like to join us in the hospital wing, Potter, I can give you a nice bonk on the head," Sirius said with a calm smile.

Madam Pomfrey came back in with a tray of potions. "Out, you two, you can stop by again after breakfast," she told James and Peter, shooing them out. Then she started administering potions one by one.

"For your throat, dear," she told Sirius, handing him a pink one. He unstoppered it and poured it into the plant next to him when she turned to Remus to hand him his last dose of blood replenishing potion. "You'll both be out of classes for today, but you should be able to return tomorrow."

"Oh, no," Sirius said, pouring another potion into the plant. He raised his eyebrows when a puff of green smoke arose and quickly turned back to the matron to hand her the empty vial, his eyes wide. "I can't miss classes!"

"I'm afraid I'll have to insist, Mr. Black," she said firmly, packing up the empty potions. "You two try and get some rest, now. No more talking!"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey," the two said together.

As soon as the door to her office shut they both had to bury their faces in their pillows to smother their laughter.

"Oh, no!" Remus imitated quietly, screwing up his face into a worried expression. "I can't miss classes, Madam Pomfrey!"

"He was really unwell last night, Madam!" Sirius said, throwing his hand over his face dramatically.

They doubled over.

When Sirius could talk again, he wheezed out, "Thanks for covering for me, mate. She was ready to pitch me off the astronomy tower."

"It was my fault you were here in the first place," Remus said, wiping his eyes.

"No, it wasn't. I came of my own accord."

"But-"

"No but's. Thanks for bailing me out of a situation I got myself into willingly." Sirius stretched out, sighing in contentment. "Now, if you don't mind me, I'm just going to milk this sick day for all it's worth. If I were you I would do the same."

Remus smiled slightly and leaned back against his pillows, feeling more content than ever before.

 **A/N: I'll either end it here or I'm thinking of including another chapter with Remus supporting Sirius; what do you guys think? Thanks for all the reviews; let me know what you think of it!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Sirius, catch."

Sirius turned just in time to catch the sock James threw at him. He let it fall into his trunk. "Thanks," he said, turning back to his half-finished packing with a sigh.

Two of his dorm-mates were scurrying around their room doing the same as him- last minute packing, at nine o'clock the night before they were set to go home for the Christmas holidays.

The fourth member of their dorm was lying on his bed, reading a book and looking very smug about the situation.

"I told you all to pack earlier," Remus said, flipping a page. "We could have avoided this whole mess."

"Shut it, Remus," James said . "I'll be done in two minutes. All I need are a few changes of clothes, anyways; I'm leaving most of it here."

"Has anyone seen my spare tie?" Peter asked, his backside sticking out from underneath the bottom of his bed.

Remus set his book down and got to his feet to help his friend search for the missing article of clothing. Sirius shut his trunk and collapsed onto his bed, fatigue tugging at his eyes. His rucksack was only half full, but Sirius didn't have much to take with him, anyways. He had a feeling he wouldn't be wearing anything besides dress robes for the entire vacation.

Sirius rubbed his eyes, trying to tune out his friends, who had been spewing a running commentary on their plans for Christmas break for the past three weeks. He had memorized their schedules by heart. James was going home for a classic Potter family Christmas, complete with caroling and their traditional secret Santa exchange. Peter was visiting his great aunt in Iceland, and his family had booked every moment of their trip with sightseeing and tourist attractions. Remus didn't say much about his break, but whenever they talked about it he got this happy wistful look on his face. Sirius knew his family celebrated quietly but traditionally, two words that summed Remus up very well.

And where would Sirius would be?

Attending one pure-blood party after the next.

He had tried to get out of it this year. Both James and Remus had invited him over to their houses. Sirius had asked his parents about James, but hadn't even bothered with Remus's offer, although he had appreciated it. His parents would never let their oldest son, heir to the Black family fortune, spend his break with a Half-blood. They had barely even considered James's offer, and he came from a well-respected Pureblood family. No, they would be too busy dressing him up and showing him off.

"Sirius?"

Sirius glanced over. Remus was standing there, a frown on his face, but he smiled slightly when Sirius looked over.

"You alright?" he asked, his voice quiet.

"I'm fine." Sirius crossed his arms behind his head, trying to look nonchalant. "You all set for the moon?"

Remus's smile faltered. He turned away and walked back over to his bed, picking up his book and smoothing a folded corner. "Yeah."

Sirius mentally berated himself for changing the subject at Remus's expense. He knew how uncomfortable the full moon made his friend, no matter how often they all assured him they didn't care he was a werewolf.

James glanced at Sirius, eyebrows raised, and Sirius just shook his head. It was still new to them, too. They had only figured out Remus's secret about two months ago, and it would be their second full moon knowing what was really happening.

It was only three days away. Luckily it wasn't on Christmas, but Remus would still be pretty worn out when the holiday did roll around. If Sirius regretted anything about this break, it was that he wouldn't be able to be there for his friend while he was lying in bed, sick and miserable. His only comfort was that he would be home, and Sirius knew that Remus loved his parents more than anything.

"I'll send you all some of my mum's biscuits," James said, taking a valiant stab at another subject change. "She always makes loads."

Peter's head shot up from behind his bed. "Those gingerbread ones?" When James affirmed that, a grin spread across his face. "Excellent, I loved those last year!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, but a look from Remus made him keep his mouth clamped shut.

"You sure I can't stuff you in my bag, Sirius?" James asked, holding up his nearly packed rucksack. "My parents are dying to see you again."

Sirius smiled slightly at the thought of the Potters. He had been allowed to visit for a few weeks the previous summer, and it had been the best summer of Sirius's life.

"I wish," he said. "My parents are going to have me on a leash the whole time. A diamond-studded solid gold leash painted red with the blood of our enemies."

James grimaced. "Not a nice mental image."

"No," Sirius said, kicking off his shoes and stretching back on the bed.

Remus was changing into his pajamas. He hid half-behind his bedpost, changing out of his school robes as quickly as possible and not leaving his scar-covered body exposed for more than a few seconds. It irked Sirius that he still wasn't comfortable enough to change like a normal person, but the mere fact that he was changing without drawing his curtains was a marked improvement from only a few months ago.

"Are they really that bad?" Remus asked, crawling back into bed.

Sirius stared up at the canopy of his head and didn't respond. All this talk about his parents was making his heart beat uncomfortably fast. He tried to calm it down. _You aren't even there yet. Don't let them get to you.._

"I'm going to bed," he said abruptly. He didn't think he could take any more small talk that night.

Remus frowned, but said, "Alright. Night."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite," James said, digging through his remaining clothes, his glasses hanging at the very edge of his nose.

Sirius drew the curtains shut around his bed without bothering to change. He slid under his blankets and leaned back, listening to the sounds around him. No one was talking anymore, but he could hear Remus turning the pages of his book and James and Peter still packing. Sirius shut his eyes, relishing in the soft sounds. Soon he would be back in his own bedroom with nothing but the family house elf's mumbled accusations to keep him company.

His stomach clenched even tighter, a tight ball in his gut. He put his hands over his eyes and tried to get to sleep before he could overthink tomorrow even more.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Stay in touch, mate," James said, slapping his back.

They were standing on the crowded platform. All around them their classmates were greeting their families, laughing and hugging. Sirius's palms were sweating. He knew his parents were here somewhere, waiting for him and his brother, who he hadn't seen all day.

"Yeah," Sirius said.

"I mean it," said James, peering at him through his spectacles as though he couldn't really see him properly. "Write to me. Let me know you're still alive."

Sirius tried to smile. "Yeah," he said again.

James squeezed his shoulder, nodded at Peter, and clapped Remus on the shoulder with a quiet "Good luck" before turning and diving into the crowd to find his parents.

Sirius watched him go, aching to follow. He wished more than anything that he was spending Christmas with the Potters. He would have no trouble intruding on their family holiday if it meant getting out of his own.

"There's my mum!" Peter squeaked. He waved at his friends. "Bye! Have a good holiday!"

Remus smiled back, but Sirius just kicked at the ground, afraid to look around and spot his family. The more he stalled, the longer it would be before he had to face the music.

Remus hesitated. "Sirius-?"

"Remus!"

Both boys turned to see a woman pushing her way through the crowd. It was a small woman, tiny and frail-looking, as though one harsh wind could blow her over. Her hair was the same sandy blond as Remus's, and her tired face was lit up with a smile as she worked her way through the other reunited families.

Sirius saw Remus's shoulders visibly relax. "Mum," he said, stepping forward to meet her halfway.

Mrs. Lupin threw her arms around Remus and squeezed as though her life depended on it. Remus was the same height as her, maybe even an inch or so taller, but he seemed to shrink into her embrace as she smoothed his hair, holding him tight against her. Sirius turned away, feeling like an intruder. That hard rock had taken up residence in the pit of his stomach again.

Remus pulled away after a few seconds, a broad grin on his face. "Mum- mum, this is Sirius," he said, stepping aside and letting his mother get a look at his friend.

Sirius straightened up and tried his best to look presentable. He had never formally been introduced to Mrs. Lupin, and had only seen her once before, at the beginning of last summer from afar. She looked much older up close, but her eyes shone with the same brightness and quickness Remus's did.

"Sirius!" she said, looking delighted. She held out her hand, which Sirius took and shook firmly. "Remus has told me so much about you."

Sirius tipped his head. "Mrs. Lupin," he said. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Sirius knew that Remus was looking at him funny, but at that moment something over Mrs. Lupin's shoulder caught his attention. The rock turned into a shard of ice. His parents were standing off to the side, scanning the crowd with narrowed eyes.

A gentle pressure on his hand made Sirius realize he was still holding Mrs. Lupin's hand. He let go as though he had been burned. "Sorry," he said quickly.

Mrs. Lupin smiled at him. "Don't be, dear," she said.

Sirius looked again at his parents. Regulus had joined them; they were talking down to him in what looked like very serious tones. Sirius rubbed his sweaty palms on his robes.

"I have to go," he muttered.

Remus glanced over his shoulder to where Sirius's parents were standing, and that was when they looked up at him. Sirius saw his mothers face twist with dislike as she caught sight of her eldest son standing with a Half-blood and his Muggle parent. His father remained impassive, his face carved out of rock.

"Sirius-" Remus hesitated. Then he turned back to Sirius and gave him a rather forced smile. "I'll write to you, okay?"

"Whatever," Sirius muttered, still staring at his parents. "See you."

He set off through the crowd without another word.

His light rucksack suddenly felt heavy over his shoulders, and every step towards his family added a pound to his load. They stared him down as he approached, none of them saying anything. His mother's eyes were narrowed.

"Chin up!" she snapped in place of a greeting. "Just because you go around consorting with Mudbloods doesn't mean you have to act like them."

The parents around them who had heard looked at Mrs. Black, scandalized. She paid them no heed. Sirius lifted his chin, his cheeks burning. _The sooner they got out of here, the better._

His mother reached out and grabbed a lock of his hair, giving it a sharp tug. Her pointed red fingernails brushed against his cheek. Sirius grit his teeth but forced himself to remain still. There was no need to start any fights before they had even gotten to the house.

"You need a haircut," she said, before turning and marching off the platform.

His father stared him down for another moment before turning and following his wife. Regulus lingered, as though he wanted to say something, then slammed his mouth shut and hurried after them. He didn't run, though; Blacks never run.

Sirius resisted the urge to look over his shoulder and try to get a last glimpse of his friends. Instead he started after his family, his jaw clenched tightly. That was when he realized that he had forgotten to wish Remus luck with his transformation. He hadn't wished him Merry Christmas. He hadn't even said goodbye to his mother.

Sirius let his raised chin dip a little. Some friend he was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus watched his friend walk off, a frown on his face. On the other side of the platform he could see Sirius's family, as foreboding and strict as ever. Just looking at them sent a shiver down Remus's spine. He didn't know how Sirius could bear going home each break.

He watched as Sirius approached. His mother said something to him and he straightened. Remus doubted it had been a warm welcome. Then she reached out and pulled his hair much harder than was necessary, and Remus had to force his feet to remain still. Running over there to defend his friend would only make things worse.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see his mother standing there. She was smiling, but she looked concerned.

"Are you alright, dear?"

Remus glanced over his shoulder. Sirius's family had all left, leaving only him standing there. After a moment he started walking too, and within seconds had disappeared.

Remus turned back around and forced a smile. "I'm great, Mum. Are you ready?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The whistle blew. Remus was already in their usual compartment, reading a book he had gotten for Christmas. As interesting as it was, he was stuck on the same sentence, reading it over and over again. His foot jiggled, tapping the ground impatiently. Every noise from outside made him look up, hoping to see the compartment door opening.

Remus leaned against the window and tucked his legs up, closing the book. It was no good trying. He was burning with excitement. The past two weeks had dragged on for him. He hadn't thought it possible to miss his friends so much, but it had been torture without them.

His parents had been lovely, of course, and Remus had enjoyed every second with them. There had just been something… missing. The nights had been too quiet without James's snoring and Peter's sniffling. Remus's parents had left him alone to do his homework, and he realized that he had learned to work best when being badgered by his friends. Even the meals had been too quiet, and though he would never tell her, Mrs. Lupin just couldn't cook as well as the house elves.

Remus had spent a lot of his free time writing to his friends. He and James had had a rather steady conversation over owl, and Peter had sent him a few scrawled notes as well, written on the back of napkins from trains. He had even gotten a postcard from the Icelandic town they were staying in. Remus had been delighted to wake up after the full moon to find two letters waiting for him, offering them their best sentiments and jokes.

He had been a little disappointed that Sirius had never written back, though.

Remus had sent him letter after letter, but he hadn't gotten a word from his friend. He would have worried that he'd done something to upset him had not James written him to complain as well. Sirius had gone silent during vacation, and James's letters had quickly gone from impatient to worried.

 _Can't he just send something over to let us know he's alive?_ He had written Remus a few days ago. _I don't like this._

Remus didn't like it either. So that was why when the compartment door finally slid open, he was disappointed to see James standing there, beaming.

"Remus!" he said, slamming the compartment door shut behind him. The yell and the bang were music to Remus's ears. He had a feeling that affinity for loudness wouldn't last very long. "Alright?"

"I'm just fine," Remus said, grinning back. He slid his legs down to sit normally as James flopped onto the seats across from him. "How're you?"

"Bored," James announced. "The entire break was bloody boring. Next year we're staying at Hogwarts, alright? All of us. We can do something _fun_ for a change."

"I thought your parents bought you a new sled?"

"I broke it," James said, waving his hand. "It was boring, anyways. There's no good hills in Godric's Hollow. What'd you get for Christmas?"

Remus held up his book.

"And?" James asked eagerly.

Remus felt his cheeks color. "That's it," he muttered.

James blinked. "Oh." He didn't dwell on the issue. "Heard from Sirius?"

Remus frowned. "Not at all," he said.

"Hm," James said. "We'll have to-"

The door opened again and a short figure appeared.

"Hello, Peter," Remus said, smiling as his friend walked in and sat down next to him. "How was Iceland?"

"Wonderful!" Peter said. His face was flushed with excitement as he beamed at his friends. "Oh, we stayed in this awesome little hotel on a hill, and they had a buffet breakfast every morning that served-"

"We're leaving," James said. He had pressed his face against the window, staring out at the platform. When he pulled back the window was smudged with his hand and nose prints. "Where's Sirius?"

"Probably walking over," Peter said.

The compartment door slid open again and Remus's heart filled with relief when Sirius slipped in, shutting the door silently behind him.

"Sirius!" James said brightly, grinning at his friend. "Alright, mate?"

Sirius didn't respond. He slumped into the empty seat and turned his head to face the wall.

James was un-phased, but Remus frowned. "Have a good holiday?" he pushed, practically bouncing in his seat.

Sirius shrugged but still didn't say anything. He didn't even look at him. All Remus could see was the back of his head and the left side of his face, which gave away none of his emotions. His hair was an inch shorter than it had been.

James narrowed his eyes. "Sirius?"

"What?"

"What's up?"

Remus saw Sirius's jaw clench. He didn't respond.

James heaved a sigh and reached out to grab Sirius's shoulder. "Sirius-"

Sirius flinched away, whirling around to glare at James. His eyes were flashing with anger, and James gasped- but not out of fear.

"What happened to your face?" he asked.

Sirius blinked, momentarily shocked out of his anger. Then his cheeks flushed, his pale skin pink around the edges of the mottled purple and green bruise that took up the right half of his face.

"Nothing," he muttered, turning around to face the wall again, but the damage had been done.

James reached out to grab Sirius again but Remus caught his eye and shook his head warningly. James froze, then slowly lowered his hand.

"Sirius?" Remus asked.

Sirius didn't respond for a moment. Then he slowly turned to look at Remus, the right side of his face still facing the wall. Remus could see a hint of it creeping onto his lower jaw.

"I'm fine," Sirius muttered. His voice seemed heavier than normal.

Remus had to force his lips to turn up into a smile. "I just wanted to wish you a very belated Merry Christmas," he said. He knew what it felt like to have people ogle at injuries you would rather not talk about. He would try and get Sirius to tell him what was going on later, but for now, he needed to get James's attention off of the bruise. "I don't know if you got my letters."

Sirius's brow furrowed, like he couldn't quite believe what Remus was saying. He didn't smile, but his jaw seemed to soften ever so slightly. "My parents stopped my mail," he said. "But thanks." He turned a little more, moving very cautiously, as though afraid they would bring it up again. His bruise came into view and Remus resisted the impulse to wince. It was bad. It covered most of his cheek and looked less than a day old, dark purple in the middle and a lurid green around the edges. It looked painful.

James opened his mouth, but Remus kicked his ankle and he shut it again.

"How was the full moon?" Sirius asked quickly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Remus tried to keep his gaze fixed on Sirius's eyes and not on the bruise. Next to him, Peter was gawking at it. "Better than last time," he said. "My ankle's intact, at least."

Sirius's lips twitched. "That's good to hear."

They lapsed into awkward silence. Sirius's gaze fell to the floor. Remus fiddled with his book, uncertain of what to say next. James, who was never comfortable with silence, let Peter prattle on to him about Iceland. Remus tried to look interested, but it was hard when Sirius turned back to face the wall, his arms still wrapped around himself.

The rest of the train ride passed in much the same way. James tried to coerce them all into a game of Exploding Snap, but Sirius responded with a flat "No" before turning to face the wall again. Remus quietly declined as well, and James, looking lost and confused, settled for Gobstones with Peter. That didn't work out very well, as every jostle and bump of the train sent black ink spraying everywhere.

Remus picked up his book again and tried to tune out James's swearing as his glasses were spattered with ink. He squinted down at the words, but he could still see Sirius out of the corner of his eye, back rigid, staring at the floor.

He shut the book and stood. Carefully picking his way over Peter, who was sprawled out on the ground, he sat down next to Sirius, making sure to keep his distance lest the other boy get upset at the intrusion.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, keeping his voice down so Peter and James wouldn't hear.

"I'm fine," Sirius said. His voice was mechanical.

Remus pressed his finger against the sharp edge of the book, trying to choose his next words carefully. "Are you sure?"

Sirius was quiet. He twisted his hands in his lap. "I didn't have a good holiday," he finally said. His voice was so quiet he might have been talking to himself.

Peter was winning the game. James wasn't too happy about that, and was complaining loudly that the slant of the compartment floor was throwing him off.

"It's over now, though," Remus said.

There was a beat of silence. "I guess."

Remus wanted to say more, but he couldn't think of anything. He fell silent and turned instead to the Gobstones game. Next to him Sirius turned back to the wall, and Remus's heart clenched. He needed to say more. He just didn't know what, and he couldn't think of anything with James and Peter sitting right there.

James continued to try and pull Sirius into the conversation, undeterred by his repeated rejections. From the looks he was shooting at Remus, James had no idea what to do either. With Sirius determinedly silent, Remus quieter than usual, and James running out of topics, it was up to Peter to pick up the slack- a task which he took on with great joy. He didn't seem to care that none of his friends were really focused on his words.

Sirius still didn't say anything when the train pulled to a stop. They got off, stepping into the frigid winter air. Several students were pointing at Sirius, whispering to each other. Sirius stared straight ahead, and when a fifth year Slytherin smirked at Sirius when he walked past, James doubled back and purposely trod on his foot without a word.

"What do we do?" he hissed to Remus as they boarded the carriages that would take them back to the castle.

Remus shook his head and pulled himself into the carriage.

The welcome back feast was wonderful as always, but none of them enjoyed it. Sirius was just picking at his food, staring forlornly at it as though it held all the secrets of the universe. James was twitching. He seemed unable to sit still, even more so than usual. Even Peter was starting to wear down, and the gaps in their conversation grew longer and longer.

Remus sipped at his pumpkin soup, deep in thought. He was trying to figure out where Sirius had gotten that bruise, but had to stop because each conclusion he came to was worst than the last. If it had been something stupid, like falling down the stairs, Sirius would have told them- right? And if it wasn't something stupid…

Not even dessert cheered Sirius up, and that was when James took action. He leaned across the table, his eyes bright behind his glasses.

"Sirius…"

"Don't."

"But-"

"I don't want to talk about it, James. Just shut up."

James fell back into his seat, looking put out. Sirius pushed his empty plate away and stood up.

"I'm going upstairs, he muttered, turning and stalking out of the Great Hall. Hundreds of eyes followed him. No one ever left feasts early. Indeed, they weren't altogether certain it was allowed. But no one stopped him, and eventually attention turned back to the meal.

"Something happened," James said immediately.

"How'd he get that bruise?" Peter asked.

"Dunno… Remus?"

Remus looked up from his pudding. James and Peter were both staring at him.

"What?"

"Any ideas?" James asked.

Remus shrugged. "No more than you two. I'm worried, though."

James sighed. "Oh, he'll snap out of it. He's always like this after the holidays. I think his family just gets to him."

"It hasn't been this bad before, though," Peter said. "He's acting like… you know, the first couple of days."

Remus remembered. It had been one of the most terrifying times of his life, and he had been scared stiff of Sirius. He had been scared stiff of everyone, actually. Just remembering his first few months at Hogwarts was enough to make him flush with embarrassment.

Remus wasn't used to being around kids his own age, and hadn't known how to act. He had coped by remaining silent, not talking unless someone directly addressed him with a question, and hiding his nose in a book. A tactic that would have worked had his dorm-mates not been nosy and continually pushed him to talk. It had been months before Remus had finally felt comfortable to start joking around with them.

Sirius had been the worst. He and James had seemed to hit it off pretty well, but they had daily disagreements. Sirius had been rude to just about everyone. He snapped at Peter when he took too long in the bathroom. He yelled at James when he teased him about his silk pajamas. He had shot catty remarks at Remus about being too quiet.

Remus had tried his hardest not to let it get to him, but he had seriously considered leaving Hogwarts. He was glad he didn't.

Eventually Sirius had shaken it off. Remus knew that he had just felt out of place, the first of his family in Gryffindor. The snide comments that followed him everywhere hadn't helped, either. Remus had heard the rumors floating around, and had seen Sirius's Slytherin relatives pinching him in the hallway and whispering to him with smirks on their faces. It had been the only times Remus had felt lucky for being in the shadows.

But once the novelty of the situation had worn off, the comments had stopped, and Sirius gradually learned to control his temper. He and James started getting on very well. Peter started tagging along with them more and more, and Sirius managed to bite his tongue when it came to insulting the poor boy. He had changed his snide comments about Remus to humorous ones, often dropping by his bed, where Remus sat night after night with his legs tucked under him and his nose in a book, to ask what he was reading and to speculate whether he would finally join them in a game of Exploding Snap. Remus had always refused, until one night in October, when he had broken.

 _"Watcha reading tonight?" Sirius asked, standing a few feet away from Remus's bed._

 _Remus wordlessly held up the front cover, not taking his eyes off the text._

 _"Another new book?"_

 _Remus shrugged, still not looking at him._

 _"Do you ever talk?"_

 _Another shrug. Remus didn't know what to say, so he kept his gaze fixed on the book, although he couldn't focus on what he was reading anymore._

 _"Oh, let it go, Sirius," James said. He was getting the game set up on the floor while Peter sat cross-legged next to him, an eager look on his face. "He's not going to talk to you."_

 _"He has to eventually!" Sirius said. He turned back to Remus, a doubtful look on his face. "You_ can _talk, right?"_

 _Remus nodded. Sirius sighed._

 _"I suppose it's useless asking you if you want to join us for a game," he said._

 _Before Remus could say anything- or, rather, shake his head- James piped up again. "As if," he snorted._

 _Something inside Remus cracked. He shut his book, set it down, and slid out of bed. Sirius stood there, surprised, as Remus trooped past him to sit on the floor across from James. He fixed him with a level stare._

 _"Deal me in," he said, his voice quiet._

 _James dealt him the cards. Sirius came and sat in his spot next to Remus, a grin on his face. "Ha," he said to James, taking his cards. "You owe me five Galleons."_

 _Remus flushed, but something inside him glowed. This was progress. He could play cards with his dorm-mates. He could do this._

"He'll snap out of it," James said, his voice confident.

Remus took another spoonful of pudding. He needed to talk to Sirius.

They headed up to their dormitory with the rest of the students twenty minutes later. They hesitated at the door before James stepped forward and pushed it forward, stepping inside.

The curtains were drawn around Sirius's bed. James glanced at his two other friends before creeping over to his trunk and quietly getting undressed.

Remus walked over to his bed and pulled open his trunk. He couldn't help a small smile as he looked down at the clothes he hadn't seen in two weeks. He fished down to the very bottom and pulled out his pajamas, walking around his bed to a shadowy corner and getting changed as quickly as possible, leaving his bare chest out for only a second or so. That short second had gotten Remus's heart pumping, though, even though he knew his friends hadn't been looking at his scars.

Remus carefully folded his clothes and set them back into his trunk. James was already in bed, his head hanging over the side, his eyes shut. Peter was digging through his trunk, a confused look on his face, before he finally gave up and crawled under the covers.

Remus got into bed. James raised his head and mouthed "Night" to him. Remus nodded back and drew the curtains around his bed.

He couldn't sleep.

He lay there for the next few hours, staring up at the ceiling. The dormitory was silent except for James's light snoring.

Remus rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. He had been too excited about coming back to get enough sleep last night, but every time he slipped close to unconsciousness a stray thought would pull him back. Sirius's bruise bothered him. Everything about the situation bothered him. It bothered him that he didn't know what was going on and it bothered him that he couldn't even help in the slightest, especially after all that Sirius had done for him. He was being a terrible friend, and he had no idea how to fix it.

Remus was in the middle of one of his internal monologues when he heard the sound of curtains being slowly slid open. Remus sat up but didn't make a sound. After a moment he heard a sniffle, and then the shifting of someone climbing out of bed, footsteps going to the bathroom, and then a door shutting. The tap turned on. There was another sniffle.

Remus fumbled in the dark for the part in his curtains. When he found it, he opened them just enough to stick his head out. It took his eyes a moment to adjust. It had been pitch black inside his curtains, but out here, moonlight from the window illuminated the room. The effect was eerie. A quick examination revealed that Sirius's bed was the only one unoccupied.

The tap switched off in the bathroom. After a moment the door opened and a figure stepped out, rubbing their eyes. Remus heard another sniffle.

Sirius looked up and met Remus's eyes. He seemed surprised for a moment. Then his face crumpled again, and in the moonlight Remus could see tear tracks on his cheeks. The bruise looked even worse in the silver lighting.

"Sorry," he muttered, standing still.

Remus slowly opened his curtains a bit more. "Sirius, come here."

Sirius didn't move. He rubbed at his nose and looked down. Across the room, James gave a loud snore and they both turned to look at his motionless form.

The realization that he was standing in the middle of the room crying seemed to dawn on Sirius, and his feet started moving. He walked over to Remus's bed and Remus scooted aside to let Sirius sit at the foot.

It was still dark inside the curtains, the only light falling on Sirius through the tiny crack in the hangings. His hair looked gray in the silver light. He sat cross-legged, facing Remus, close to the edge of the bed in case he needed to run.

Remus drew his knees to his chest, his back pressed against the backboard. It felt cold through his thin pajamas. "How'd you get that bruise?" he whispered.

Sirius's hand twitched, making a movement towards his cheek. He stared carefully at Remus's bare feet. "I called my cousin Bellatrix a brat during our family dinner," he muttered.

Remus frowned. "But-"

"And then when I was asked to apologize, I refused in front of the whole family," he went on. Sirius reached out and picked at the blanket, something Remus always did when he got uncomfortable. "That was two days ago."

Remus felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice down his spine. Sirius's response was exactly what he had expected, but hearing it out loud, affirmed, was much, much worse than he had imagined.

"Your dad-" Remus said, his voice hoarse.

"My mother," Sirius said. His tone was bitter now. "Dear father doesn't like to dirty his hands with discipline unless it's something really bad. It's unfortunate. He doesn't know where to hit. Not like my mother." Sirius glanced up at Remus's face, quickly, as though afraid to be caught looking. "It was my fault," he added.

Remus shook his head as hard as he could. "Sirius, don't say that."

"It was," Sirius said. "Besides, if I was going to call Bella something, I should have come up with something much more creative than brat."

He grinned at Remus, but Remus couldn't return it.

"Sirius," he said quietly.

Sirius's smile dropped. His gaze did, as well.

"Do you… I mean, do they…" Remus struggled for words. "Is this… normal?"

Sirius shrugged. "It's normal for all old Pureblood families. Except for James's, of course." Remus definitely heard some bitterness there. "His parents would never touch a hair on his perfect little head, no matter how badly he misbehaved."

"And they shouldn't," Remus said. When Sirius glared at him, he added quickly, "No one deserves that, Sirius. I don't care if it is tradition."

"You don't understand," Sirius said.

A strange sense of déjà vu washed over Remus. He said, "Then make me understand."

Sirius looked at him. Remus met his gaze evenly. Sirius was the first to look away.

"It's not a big deal," he mumbled.

"It _is_ a big deal," Remus said. He frowned. "Do you… do you have any more?"

"Any more…?"

"Bruises."

A beat. "No."

"Sirius…"

" _No._ "

"Then take your shirt off."

Another beat. "No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to."

"What are you hiding?"

"Nothing!" Sirius snapped. From across the room, Peter sniffled and turned over. Remus and Sirius both froze, waiting until the noises died down again.

Sirius turned to glare at Remus. His eyes shone in the moonlight. "Why am I even talking to you?" he snapped, turning to get up.

Remus leaned forward and grabbed Sirius's arm. Sirius stopped. "I'm just trying to help," Remus said softly. "Please."

Sirius shook him off. Then he grabbed his night shirt and tugged it over his head in one swift move. Remus sucked in a breath, staring at Sirius's bare chest. The moonlight illuminated a patchwork of bruises and scrapes, stark against his pale skin. Some looked days, even weeks old, already fading, while others looked fresh.

"Are you happy?" Sirius stuck his arms out, twisting so his body was in full view. "Should I parade around the room? Do a few twirls? Is this good enough?"

Remus felt tears burning in his eyes. He was messing this up. But he didn't know what _to do._ His own scars twinged in sympathy under his shirt, but Sirius's were so much worse. He had done his injuries to himself. Sirius had been hurt by someone who was supposed to love him.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered.

Sirius stopped. He lowered his arms, staring at Remus. "What are you apologizing for?"

"…I don't know. I'm just… sorry."

Sirius slowly slid back onto the bed. He wrapped his arms around his bare chest. "It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault either."

Sirius snorted. "That's funny."

"It isn't, Sirius."

"I'm a blood traitor," Sirius spat. "I'm worse than Mudbloods, in my parent's opinion. I've been trained since birth to be the heir to the noble Black fortune, and still I can't do a single fucking thing right." Sirius grabbed two fistfuls of hair and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm a disgrace to my family because I'm a Gryffindor and I'm a disgrace to Gryffindor because I'm a Black. No matter what I do I just _can't get anything right_."

"You are _not_ a disgrace to Gryffindor!" Remus scooted forward earnestly, anxious to make Sirius understand how wrong he was. "You're the epitome of Gryffindor, Sirius. You're brave and confident and bold and you stand up for others-"

"Ah, yes, I'm so brave I'm reduced to a cowardly wreck every time my mother so much as points a finger at me," Sirius snapped. He buried his face in his hands. "I can't even stand up to her. I can't stand up to any of them. I'm not brave enough to be a Gryffindor. I'm not Black enough to be a Slytherin. Merlin knows I could never be in Ravenclaw or even Hufflepuff- I'm useless. I'm-"

"Sirius," Remus interrupted. He scooted forward again so their knees were touching. He sat there in silence until Sirius reluctantly looked up and met his eyes. "You are _not_ useless. You aren't a coward for not standing up to your family. You have absolutely no control over that situation, and it's terrible, and you don't deserve it, but you aren't weak. They're the weak ones for taking out their frustrations on you."

"But it's my-"

"It's _not_ your fault, and you shouldn't ever think that," Remus said. "You can't let them make you think that you're anything less than you are."

Sirius's gaze dropped. "They try to make me understand," he mumbled. "Every time I go back there, they unload all their Pureblood crap on me. They're running out of time to try and salvage anything from their Gryffindor disappointment. They think if they lecture me enough I'll comprehend how wrong I am about the world, and how right they are." He fumbled with the collar of his night shirt, which lay in his lap. The light illuminated the bruises on his ribcage and stomach. He looked up at Remus, and his eyes were suddenly wide and frightened. "What if… what if it works?"

"It won't," Remus said immediately.

"I'm a Black, Remus," Sirius said, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Every opinion, every violent act in our family history is running through my blood. What if I _am_ just like them? What if one day I wake up and I hate all the Muggleborns and start trying to take power? What if-"

"You reveal that Dumbledore's been harboring an illegal werewolf in a school full of children?" Remus said.

Sirius's cheeks colored. "I wouldn't!" he said. "No matter what- I wouldn't give your secret away, Remus, believe me."

Remus smiled. "I believe you," he said. "And that's what makes you different."

Sirius frowned. "I don't-"

"Can you name one other family member of yours who would be sitting here right now, sharing a bed with a werewolf _voluntarily_?" Remus asked.

Sirius stared at him. He didn't answer, but Remus didn't need him to.

"Exactly," he said. "You _are_ different, Sirius. You're not like them, you're nothing like them. Your last name doesn't matter, and it doesn't define you. Sirius Black might be the heir to the Black family legacy- but _Sirius_ is a Gryffindor who would do anything to help his friends, who thinks the Muggle world is enchanting, who would never do anything to hurt anyone else unless he had no other options."

Sirius was still staring at him. Remus couldn't read the expression on his face, but that earnest worry had leaked out of it. Remus supposed that was progress.

"I don't pretend to understand what you're going through," he said quietly. "If I could do anything to stop them from hurting you, I would. But please, Sirius- it's _not_ your fault, and nothing they do is ever going to change who you are. And remember-" he tried to grin at Sirius, who still had no expression on his face. "-you'll always have us."

They fell silent. There was no sound except for James' steady snoring and the occasional ruffle of Peter's sheets. They sat there, cross-legged on the bottom of Remus's bed, knees touching, eyes locked. Remus tried to find any expression in Sirius's face, and that was when he realized his friend's lip was trembling.

Remus impulsively wrapped an arm around his friend's shoulder as he leaned forward, his face buried in his hands. His thin shoulders shook with silent sobs, and Remus realized with a jolt that this was the first time he had ever seen Sirius really cry. It was horrible to watch; Sirius expertly stifled any sounds before they could escape, but that just made his body rock harder, and Remus squeezed even tighter as his rock-solid friend crumbled to pieces in front of him.

Remus reached out and dragged the curtains closed, hoping the thick fabric would stifle any sounds. He didn't want Peter or James to wake up and start questioning Sirius when he was so vulnerable.

"It's alright," he said quietly as Sirius turned onto his shoulder and cried, his mouth clamped shut over his sobs. Despite the awful situation Remus felt himself glow with a small measure of pride. Sirius had comforted him so many times- Remus was glad he was able to do the same, just this once.

After a few minutes Sirius' violent shaking turned into trembling. He sat up, his face bright red, his eyes puffy with exhaustion and tears. "Sorry," he muttered, his voice raspy.

"Don't," Remus said. "Everyone cries, Sirius."

"Not Blacks."

"I thought we agreed you weren't really a Black."

Even in the dark Remus could see the grin that split Sirius's face. "I suppose I'm not," he said quietly. Remus heard him struggle into his shirt and then lie down on the foot of the bed, his legs hanging over the side. "They're a load of twats."

"The twattiest," agreed Remus.

Sirius laughed out loud. "You're such a dork," he said, his voice sleepy.

Remus leaned back against his pillows. With Sirius lying there he couldn't extend his legs, but he didn't mind. He knew Sirius couldn't be alone right now. He was just relieved that he had been awake to find him, and that it hadn't been Peter or James who had gotten up to talk to him. Remus wasn't very good with these situations, but he was positive that he was better than their two other friends.

"You know, this is the last thing I expected to happen," Sirius said. From the tone of his voice, he was already half-asleep, and probably sinking into some kind of a dream. "I always thought I'd be sorted into Slytherin and go on to carry out the family legacy. I never thought I'd be sitting in Gryffindor tower with a best friend who's a werewolf."

Remus's heart thumped. "Best friend?" he whispered.

Sirius made an incoherent noise. "Of course, stupid," he mumbled. "What do you think you are?"

Remus didn't respond for a moment. "I never thought I'd be anyone's best friend."

Siriusyawned. "Get used to it," he mumbled sleepily. Then he started snoring, and Remus knew the conversation was over.

It must have been close to three in the morning, but Remus stayed awake for a while after that, staring up into the darkness, Sirius passed out on the foot of his bed, ruminating over the fact that he was somebody's best friend.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Again?_ "

A sudden flood of light made Remus open his eyes and immediately shut them again. He heard someone muttering something.

"Wow, that's foul language even for you, Black."

Remus opened his eyes again. As they adjusted, he made out the forms of James and Peter standing next to his open curtains, still wearing their pajamas. Remus glanced down to see Sirius sprawled out at the bottom of his bed, his mouth open slightly. His eyes were still shut.

"Why don't we just get rid of Sirius's bed and get a swimming pool or something?" James asked. He sounded irritated, but when Remus looked up, he was grinning, an amused look on his face.

Sirius snorted and flipped onto his stomach, his arm hanging off the side of the bed. "Swimming… pool…" he murmured, his face pressed up against the mattress.

"Is that a yes?"

Remus sat up, the blankets sliding off of him. He rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Early," said James. "Peter woke up and saw that Sirius wasn't there, so he got scared and woke me up, and I figured he was probably here." James nudged Sirius's arm and jumped back when a fist came swinging at him. "Bloody hell, Sirius, we need to get you help for this whole violence thing."

Remus rolled his eyes and nudged Sirius with his toes. "Sirius, wake up."

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "No," he mumbled.

"Do I want to know why Sirius crashed on your bed when his is three feet away?" James asked.

Remus shot him a look. "We were talking," he said.

Realization crossed James's face. He raised his eyebrows. "Is everything…"

"Everything's fine," Remus said.

James lit up. "Oh, good," he said. "We've got thirty minutes until breakfast, so get a move on." He aimed a last poke at Sirius, dodged the punch, and walked back to his bed snickering.

Remus nudged Sirius again. "Sirius, get off my bed."

Sirius sighed loudly but otherwise didn't move.

Remus repositioned himself against the headboard and kicked Sirius hard so he flew off the bed with a bundle of sheets and a muffled yelp.

"Hey!" Sirius poked his head back up, glaring. "What the hell was that for?"

Remus couldn't respond. He was doubled over laughing, tears growing in his eyes.

Sirius rolled his eyes and struggled to his feet. "Yes, yes, that was hilarious." He grabbed a pillow off his bed and chucked it at Remus, trying to hide a smirk.

Remus was too busy laughing to avoid it. It smacked him right in the face, not even phasing him, and soon Sirius was rolling on the ground laughing, too.

James poked his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in mouth, and asked, "What the hell?"

Remus pointed at Sirius, clutching his stomach. "Bed- fell- yelled like a-"

Sirius wheezed out, "Pillow- face-"

James stared at them for another moment. "You're both insane," he decided.

Remus fell back against his pillows, sighing. His sides hurt, but every inch of him was thrumming with happiness. Everything was back to normal, and he knew this year was going to be a great one- even if they were a little insane.

 **A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews! Not sure if I'm going to write anything more on this fic or leave it here. If you have any suggestions for one-shots that could fit here, leave them in the reviews! Thanks 3**


	4. Chapter 4

Remus Lupin sat in front of the crackling fire, bent over his Potions homework. He was sitting so close to the flame the heat was starting to get to him, and he took a moment to pause and push up the sleeves of his thick maroon jumper. Frowning down at his paper, he tapped his quill against his thigh, thinking of what he needed to write next.

The portrait hole swung open, and a mud-spattered teen stumbled in, followed by a shorter boy scrambling in after him. James Potter paused for a moment, swept his gaze over the nearly empty common room, and caught sight of his friend hunched alone next to the fire. A small frown crossed his face, but he plastered a broad grin on before heading over, Peter close behind him.

"Moony!" he exclaimed, falling into the armchair across from him. "Still studying?"

Remus didn't even look up as his friends settled in next to him. "Getting a head start on tomorrow's Potions assignment," he said, scrawling out another sentence. "How was practice?"

"Wet," James said, flicking some mud off of his wrist.

"It was brilliant," Peter piped up. "Gryffindor has the cup in the bag this year."

"As Quidditch captain, I'm inclined to agree," James said, grinning.

"Hmm." Remus frowned and bent further over his homework, his hair falling into his shadowed face.

James and Peter exchanged glances. Peter's euphoria from watching the Quidditch practice was slowly wearing off, as it always did in the presence of his friend nowadays.

"It's late," James said. "Ready to head up to bed?"

"I really need to finish this assignment," Remus said without looking at him.

"It's not due for another week, Remus," Peter said, looking at his friend with poorly concealed concern.

Remus dipped his quill in the ink well balanced on the arm of his chair. "Yes, but tomorrow I've got to work on my Arithmancy, and I have that Ancient Runes project going, not to mention the Transfiguration test on Tuesday-" He shook his head. "No, I have far too much to do. Go on up without me."

James scooted forward in his seat, frowning at Remus. "Remus, it's nearly eleven, and you only got three hours' sleep last night. Your homework can wait. Come and get some rest."

"I need to finish this, James," Remus snapped, finally looking up at his friend. His eyes flashed in the reflected light from the fire. "Leave me alone and I'll be able to go to bed earlier."

He turned back to his work, leaving James sitting there, staring at him in disbelief.

"Come on, James," Peter muttered, getting to his feet. James followed him wordlessly up the stairs.

"He's getting worse," James said as they mounted the staircase.

"I know," Peter said, tugging on the sleeve of his robes. "How long do you think-?"

"I don't know," James said in the tone of someone who's already discussed this topic countless times before. "I don't know, Pete."

They stopped at the door to their dorm room, the plaque reading 'Sixth Year Boys' glinting in the little bit of moonlight streaming in from the window in the hall. Peter and James hovered there, neither of them willing to go first.

"Maybe we should go sit with Remus," Peter mumbled.

James scoffed. "Don't be silly, Wormtail," he said, taking a hold of the doorknob. He hesitated for a moment longer before turning it and pushing it open.

They trooped into the dormitory silently. It was empty except for a lone figure sitting on the bed in the corner of the room. Neither of them looked at him, but he glanced up from the book he was trying to read, frowned deeply, then turned his gaze back to the pages.

Sirius Black was not doing so well. In the past month he had gotten only a handful of hours of sleep, and the dark bags under his eyes deeply contrasted his pale skin. His mouth was set in a permanent frown, and his hair, previously so well cared for, hadn't been trimmed or even properly brushed in a month.

He was a wreck, and they all knew why.

James tried to ignore the presence of his best friend, but his heart was itching in his chest to reach out to him. _Not yet,_ he told himself. _I promised that I'd stand by Remus. It's up to Remus to decide when to forgive him._

 _If_ he ever chose to forgive him, a tiny voice whispered in James's head.

James shook that thought away as he grabbed his nightclothes. Remus _had_ to forgive Sirius. Yes, Sirius had been an idiot. Yes, his lapse in all judgment could have gotten a student killed. Yes, it could have made Remus a murderer.

…Okay, thinking about it really didn't make Sirius's case any stronger.

James wiggled out of his mud-stained uniform and pulled on his nightshirt. He knew he should probably take a shower to get all the dirt out of his hair, but he was too exhausted to even contemplate going through the efforts of actually cleaning himself. Promising to do it in the morning, James ran both hands through his hair and fell back onto his bed, sighing in relief.

The door flew open. Remus marched in and walked over to his bed, grabbing his bag and rifling through it. Out of the corner of his eye James saw Sirius physically shrink in his bed, pressing himself further against his pillows and bringing the book closer to his face as though to hide himself from view.

Remus flipped through his piles of parchment before glancing at James. "Have you seen my Defense notes?"

James rolled onto his side and reached down for his bag. "I borrowed them at lunch," he said, fishing them out of the bottom. He held the crumpled parchment out to Remus, who took it and carefully started smoothing it back out. "I thought you were doing Potions?"

"Finished," said Remus briskly. "But I think we might have a Defense pop quiz tomorrow and I want to brush up on my offensive spells."

James resisted the urge to sigh in exasperation. "Moony," he said, forcing himself to remain calm, "you're top in Defense class. You already know all _about_ offensive spells. And besides, I'm almost positive we won't have a quiz tomorrow."

"Better safe than sorry," Remus said, not sparing a glance for Sirius, who was curled up on his bed shooting cautious looks at his friend. "Some of us need to put _effort_ into our schoolwork to succeed. Goodnight, James, Peter." He turned and swept out of the dormitory, slamming the door behind him.

James wanted to be indignant about the slight at his work habits, but he felt on edge about Remus's last, precisely worded sentiment- worded to hurt. And with one surreptitious look at Sirius's bed, James knew it had worked.

The ostracized teen was staring down at his book without really seeing it. His knuckles clenched around the edges were white and shaking.

Something cracked inside of James. He had his best friend's name half formed on his lips, ready to finally breach the silence for the first time in weeks, but before he could speak Sirius dropped the book and drew the curtains sharply around his bed without a word.

The name died on James's lips. He sat back in his bed, feeling uneasy, and looked across the room at Peter. The smaller boy was huddled against his headboard, knees drawn to his chest, frowning at Sirius's closed curtains. He looked over and met James eyes. He shrugged, helplessness plain in his eyes.

James sighed and crawled under his covers. It seemed that this monotonous stand-off was never going to end.

It had been over a month since Remus had last directly addressed Sirius. Over a month since what Remus had promised would be their final conversation. James still got chills whenever he thought back on the scene, the fight between Sirius and Remus- something that had been foreign in their dormitory for six long years. Sure, there had been the occasional argument, but they had always been petty and ended with Sirius mussing Remus's hair up and Remus batting him away, halfheartedly scolding him but grinning all the same.

This fight had been different.

" _I trusted you," Remus spat at Sirius, who flinched like each word was a dagger in his chest. "There are three people in this castle that I fully trusted with my secret, and you took advantage of that trust for what- a petty schoolboy grudge?"_

 _"Remus, I didn't mean to-"_

 _"I don't give a damn what you meant to do!" Remus shouted. Across the room, Peter squeaked and dove under his covers. James stood where he was, behind Remus, petrified by the argument._

 _"I don't give a damn!" Remus said again. His nostrils flared as he glared at his previous friend. "You_ exploited _me. You would have made me a_ murderer. _You know how afraid I am of hurting someone, but you still handed a death note signed by me to an unsuspecting student!"_

 _"Snape was-"_

 _"Don't you dare try and defend your actions!" Remus hollered. His face was bright red, the bandages on his cheek standing out against his skin, stark white. He had only been out of the hospital wing for thirty minutes, and the first thing he had done was hunt Sirius down and confront him about what had happened._

 _Sirius dropped his gaze to the ground, his jaw tightly clenched to hold in the tears building up in his eyes._

 _Remus kept staring at his friend, his fists tightly clenched. He wanted to hit him. He wanted to punch him right in the face. But the memory of how close he had come to harming another student stilled his hand, kept it swinging heavily at his sides._

 _Instead, he hit with his words._

 _"I never want to speak to you again."_

 _Sirius blanched. He looked up and quailed under Remus's hard gaze. He had never seen so much anger in his friend's normally calm face._

 _"You've lost all of my trust," Remus said. "If you know what's good for you, you'll never share my secret with anyone ever again. And you_ won't _try and talk to me. I don't want to hear your half-baked excuses, I don't want you begging for my forgiveness. I want you to leave me alone and never speak to me again."_

 _Sirius's mouth opened and closed like a fish gulping in air. Remus stared him down a moment longer before rounding on James, who took an unconscious step backwards. He didn't say anything, but his expression changed when he turned his back on Sirius, some of the anger dripping out of it, being replaced by fear. He didn't say anything, but James got the message loud and clear. He thought James was going to side with Sirius, and he was afraid that he would be alone because of Sirius's mistake._

 _Without having to think James took two steps forward and rested his hand on Remus's shoulder. He squeezed once, meeting his gaze grimly, and nodded._

 _Sirius made a strangled sort of noise. He made a move as though to turn to Peter, but that was stupid to even consider. They all knew that Peter would side with James and Remus._

 _Sirius had been banished, metaphorically speaking._

 _Remus broke free of James's grip and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him as hard as he could. Sirius made a move as if to follow him, but James stepped in his path and stared him down, arms crossed over his chest. He and Sirius locked eyes, and for a long time neither of them moved._

 _Then Sirius turned and walked back to his bed. He drew the curtains shut and they didn't hear anything else from him for a long time._

 _When three in the morning rolled around and Remus finally returned, slamming everything he possibly could, they all pretended not to hear Sirius's sobs._

James pressed his hands to his eyes. In just one night, the Marauders had been destroyed. The friendship that had been so strong for six years had crumbled because Sirius had made a string of extremely stupid decisions.

James was angry with him, of course, but he was ready to put it behind them. He figured that Sirius had suffered enough, and was afraid that his friends couldn't take much more of this- either of them. Sirius had never done well with being alone, and a month of isolation- for everyone else at the school seemed to have realized that he was the one being ostracized and were all afraid to talk to him as well- was taking a toll on him. And Remus… James was, if possible, even more worried about him. Remus had spoken to James nearly as much as Sirius had in the past month- that is to say, not at all. He wandered back into the dormitory at three or four in the morning every night, spending every moment waist-deep in schoolwork. Even Lily Evans had approached Remus with her concern, but he had brushed her off, snapping that it was none of her business and she should focus on her own problems. That had only worried her more, and she had even come to James- her absolute last resort- to ask what had happened. James hadn't told her, of course. He had a code that didn't involve blabbing his friends' gossip all over the school, even if it was Lily Evans.

James drew the blankets up to his ears. Things needed to get fixed soon, or something bad was going to happen- he could sense it.

"Goodnight, Wormy," he called into the silence.

"Goodnight, Prongs."

James opened his mouth again, hesitated, then shut it. He curled deeper into his blankets.

 _This needs to be fixed._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The frigid silence between Sirius and the rest of his dorm-mates persisted for another week. And then another. By this point, James had tried to broach the subject with Remus several times, out of concern for his friend's health.

"Don't you think he's had enough, Moony?" James said delicately over their dinner one night.

Remus, who had a book lying open next to his empty dinner plate, glanced up at James. "Who?"

James pushed down the flash of irritation. Talking to Remus nowadays was like walking on broken glass; one wrong word and he would storm out of the Great Hall and hide in the library for the rest of the night.

"Sirius," James said quietly.

Peter, sitting next to Remus, tensed and looked at his friend out of the corner of his eye.

Remus turned back to his book. "I don't care if you talk to him, James, but I want nothing to do with him."

James couldn't hold back an exasperated sigh. "Remus, it's been over a month- don't you see what this is doing to him?"

"He should have thought about that before-" Remus bit his tongue when he realized he was in a public setting and settled for glaring at James, who narrowed his eyes in return.

"If you're so worried, go eat dinner with _him_ ," Remus snapped.

"If you would stop studying for one second you might realize he stopped coming to dinner three weeks ago," James hissed at him.

Remus's expression softened slightly. He frowned. "He's still not-?"

"No, he's not."

The small group was quiet for a moment. All around them the other Gryffindors continued on with their meals, chatting and laughing while they finished eating.

Finally James said, his voice sapped of anger, "Look, Remus, I completely understand why you're still angry. I really do. And you have every right to never talk to him again. But I'm afraid that it's doing more harm than good for both of you."

"I'm perfectly fine," Remus said, his voice mechanical.

"Remus," Peter said quietly, "you haven't been eating recently."

"You've been spending all your time studying," James added.

"I have a lot to study for."

"It's getting unhealthy!"

Remus slammed his book shut. His two friends jumped and stared as he got to his feet.

"I'm not going to sit here and have you two critique everything I do," he snarled. "I don't care what Sirius does, I don't care what you do about him- just leave me _out of it._ "

He turned and stormed out of the Great Hall.

"Well," James said in the silence that followed. "That went well."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus marched out of the hall and down the corridor. His mind was a haze of anger, his feet moving without his brain giving them clear directions. He clutched his book in his fist so tightly he was half afraid he would damage it.

The corridors were completely empty. Everyone else was still finishing up dinner in the Great Hall. Halfway to Gryffindor tower- for that's where his feet had automatically directed him- Remus started slowing down, a bit of the anger dripping off of him.

As the haze dissipated he felt a bit of shame starting to crawl up his throat. It was hardly James and Peter's fault this whole situation had come around. They had been far more supportive of him than Remus ever could have dreamed was possible. He had assumed that James would immediately side with Sirius, but remembering his face that night- his glasses two dark rings in his pale face, eyes flashing with anger- Remus knew that he wasn't the only person Sirius had hurt. James had very nearly lost his life as well.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Remus ran his free hand through his hair, not even caring that it was probably a mess. He already felt guilty about yelling at his friends. Normally he was such a level-headed person, and if it had been around the full moon Remus would have chalked it up to the hormones that sometimes got the better of him around that time. The full moon had been two weeks ago, however- and a terrible moon it had been. Remus had been more distressed than he had been in years, more so even than the first transformation after his friends had learned his secret. He had been so terrified of hurting anyone he had refused to let James or Peter accompany him, and had spent the entire night pacing around the tiny shack, unaccustomed to being alone after so long, and ripping himself to shreds.

Remus brushed his fingers along the long scar on his arm, still raw-looking and red- a memento from that night.

He stopped in front of the Fat Lady, surprised at having reached it so quickly. He had been so lost in thought he hadn't realized he had been moving so fast. He stood there, staring at the canvas and trying to muster up the courage to go in. What if Sirius was sitting in the common room? Remus didn't think he would be able to handle seeing him right now.

"What? Have I got something on my nose?" the Fat Lady demanded, her hand flying up to her face self-consciously.

"No, no," Remus said quickly. "You look lovely, as always. Phoenix tears."

A painted flush spread across the Fat Lady's cheeks. "Why, thank you, dear," she said, swinging aside to let him through.

Remus stepped inside and quickly looked around the common room, breathing a sigh of relief when he found it deserted. Sirius must be hiding up in the dorm, like he did every night.

Remus sank into a chair in the corner, not bothering with the coveted position by the fire. He opened his book to the page he had last been reading and tried to read, but he knew it was a lost cause. His concentration was virtually nonexistent, and he found himself reading the same sentence over and over again without really comprehending it.

Ten minutes later students started trickling back in. None of them looked at Remus, still laughing and talking about homework they had to do. Remus kept his eyes fixed on his book and didn't look up when James and Peter came to sit beside him.

"We're sorry," Peter blurted immediately.

Remus looked up, frowning, but before he could say anything James plowed on.

"We're sorry we pushed you, but we're just worried," he said. His eyes shone with sincerity behind his glasses. "You know we'll stand by you in this. What Sirius did to you… what he _almost_ did to you is unforgiveable, and we'll stand with you for as long as you need."

Remus blinked back the tears he felt spring into his eyes at his friends' loyalty. He held it back, knowing full well that not only was he in a public place, but James and Peter didn't handle emotions well. He would never dream of going to them with his problems- the only person he could do that with was no longer counted as one of his friends. But he was touched by their support all the same.

"Don't apologize," Remus said quietly. " _I'm_ sorry. You two have been great. I'm just a little stressed out right now."

"We know," Peter said, looking sympathetic.

"Why don't you come up and we can play a game of Exploding Snap?" James asked, trying to grin.

Remus hesitated. "I was kind of looking forward to reading this book," he lied.

James looked at him, and Remus knew he saw right through him. Thankfully, he didn't push it. "Alright," he said, relaxing back into his seat. "Want to discuss Quidditch tactics, Wormy?"

For the next hour or so they sat in comfortable companionship, Peter chatting eagerly with James, Remus trying to focus on his book. They lingered longer than almost everyone in the house in unspoken agreement; none of them were eager to brave the awkward dormitory.

Finally, when Peter's admiration of the Gryffindor team's defensive maneuvers was punctuated by a yawn, Remus shut his nearly finished book and the three of them headed upstairs.

Remus didn't look at Sirius's bed as he walked in but it was unnecessary. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that the curtains were already drawn around his bed. Relieved, Remus walked over to his trunk, set his book down on his bed, and changed out of his robes and into his nightclothes.

James and Peter got dressed quickly and silently before sliding into their own beds. They called out goodnight to each other and then, with a final look at Sirius's closed curtains from each one of them, they turned out the lights and went to sleep.

Well, Remus _tried_ to go to sleep. In actuality he lay awake for several hours, staring up at the canopy overhead, his thoughts whirling around at a million miles a minute. He kept his curtains open despite the fact that Sirius's closed ones were screaming at him from across the room, but he didn't want to be in total darkness at the moment. Even though moonlight was creeping into the room through the open window and Remus normally hated the moonlight, it was better than pitch darkness right now.

It must have been almost two in the morning when Remus pressed his hands against his eyes, groaning internally. He was absolutely exhausted, but his mind and body were humming with too much energy to sleep. Across the room he heard James's soft snores and Peter's low snuffling. Sirius's bed was dead silent.

Remus sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He had to move. He had to get out of the dorm room, where the air was thick and heavy despite the cool breeze floating in through the window. Not bothering to pull on his shoes, Remus stood and tiptoed across the room and out the door.

The common room was eerie in the middle of the night. The fire was almost out in the hearth, the last glowing embers flickering bravely amidst all the ash and soot. Remus crept towards the portrait hole and eased it open, stepping out into the frigid corridor. He shut it carefully and the Fat Lady snored but didn't wake.

The stones were ice underneath Remus's bare feet, but it felt nice after his hot room. He ghosted up the corridors in nothing but his nightclothes, the entire scene surreal, familiar but rendered not so in the eerie moonlight. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to keep his footsteps as quiet as possible so as not to alert Peeves or Filch to his presence.

He wasn't sure where to go, but then he realized that he needed to get outside, get some fresh air. Since the idea of wading through the wet grass was very unappealing at two in the morning, Remus headed in the direction of the Astronomy Tower.

He mounted the stairs and took them two at a time, relishing the burn in his legs which took the edge off his mind just a little bit. When he reached the top he paused, listening to make sure he hadn't been followed by any trouble-making poltergeists, then silently eased the door open.

Brisk night air hit him immediately. As quietly as he could, Remus stepped out onto the top of the tower- and that's when he realized he wasn't alone.

Another figure was standing there, his back to Remus, hunched at the parapet. He was silhouetted against the silver moonlight, nothing but a faceless shadow. Both hands clutched the stone wall, everything about him tensed. His head was bowed- the perfect picture of defeat.

Feeling like an intruder, Remus took a step backward. His foot hit the door and it swung open slightly, creaking loudly.

The figure jumped and whirled around, and Remus's heart leapt into his throat when he realized who it was. Of course it was him- how could he have been so stupid?

Bright tear tracks glistened on Sirius's cheeks. His eyes widened when he realized who was standing there. His mouth fell open like he was trying to come up with some sort of excuse, but nothing came out. He stood there, staring at Remus like a deer caught in headlights.

Remus took a moment to evaluate the irony of that statement, and that was when Sirius started stammering.

"I- I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse from crying. "I didn't- I thought I was- I'll go." He ducked his head and started for the door, giving Remus a wide berth, but Remus's feet moved automatically. He stepped in Sirius's path.

"Sirius."

It was the first time he had addressed him directly in almost six weeks. Sirius froze a few feet from him, still staring at the ground, wringing his hands uncomfortably.

Remus didn't know why he had stopped him. He had nothing to say to him. There was nothing _to_ say. So he stood there, staring at Sirius, the tension so thick it was suffocating.

"I thought you were sleeping," he said finally. "Your curtains were closed."

Sirius turned away, scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his robe like he hoped Remus wouldn't see.

"Have you been up here the whole time?" he asked.

"Yes," Sirius muttered.

He didn't know what else to say. Sirius, obviously not eager to try and push past Remus, walked back over to the wall and stood there, his back to him.

"Was the full moon… I mean, I know you were… are you…?" Remus heard the struggle in his voice, the effort he was putting into his words.

"It was hard."

A pause. "You didn't let James and Peter come with you."

"I was scared of hurting them."

Sirius's shoulders drew together in a wince. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest.

Remus took a few steps forward so he wasn't standing in the doorway, coming to an awkward halt in the center of the space.

Sirius's gaze had shifted downward, to the ground far below. He tipped forward slightly so he was leaning over the parapet, his head hanging above the abyss. The wind blew softly, brushing his long hair back from his face. When he spoke, his voice was detached, not as tight as it had been.

"Would a fall from here kill a person?"

He didn't seem to be addressing anyone in particular, but Remus's breath caught in his chest at the words, which sounded so vague and foreign in Sirius's voice. He felt a chill seep through him.

Remus licked his lips, which felt dry all of a sudden. "Probably."

Sirius didn't move. Another gust of wind blew past them and Remus suddenly regretted not putting on his shoes or grabbing a jacket. He took another few steps forward until he was standing next to Sirius at the parapet.

Sirius was staring at the ground below, his face blank but intent. He didn't acknowledge Remus's presence; indeed, he seemed to have forgotten that he was even there. His hands were clenched tightly around the stone wall. They were shaking.

Fear seized Remus. "Sirius," he said.

Sirius didn't acknowledge him but leaned further out over the wall, still staring at the ground.

Remus reached out and grabbed Sirius's arm. He was still wearing his school robes, and Remus dug his fingers into the loose fabric as though trying to anchor Sirius to the ground. " _Sirius._ "

Still no response. Remus reached over, grabbed Sirius's other shoulder, and forcibly pulled him away from the wall, forcing him to face him. Sirius's eyes ripped off of the ground and met Remus's, wide and panicked, the bright moonlight turning them silver.

Remus searched Sirius's face, his eyebrows drawn together. "Sirius…"

Finally something clicked inside Sirius. He gasped slightly and stumbled back a step. Remus let go of him, his arms falling to hang uselessly at his sides as he watched Sirius turn away again and cover his face with his hands, his shoulders visibly shaking.

"I'm sorry." His voice was trembling, nearly lost in the wind.

Remus hesitated, his eyes darting over to the parapet where Sirius had been standing. "What… what was that?"

"Nothing."

Remus took a step forward, teetering slightly where he stood. "Were you… were you thinking about…"

Sirius's shoulders tensed. He whirled around and glared at Remus, but there was no force behind it. "Of course not."

"Sirius…"

"I _wasn't_." The glare dropped off his face, his voice taking on a pleading note, like he was trying to convince not only Remus, but himself as well. "I wasn't."

Emotions were welling up inside of Remus- worry, yes, but underlying that was pure exhaustion. He was tired of being angry. He was tired of pretending that he was completely okay with cutting Sirius out of his life.

"We need to talk," he said.

Sirius wrapped his arms around himself like he was cold and stared at his feet. "You don't have to," he said.

"Yes, I do," Remus said. "Listen… I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive you yet."

"I don't expect you to," Sirius said quietly.

"What you did…" Remus winced just thinking about it. "I don't think you understand how much that could have changed everyone's lives."

"I do," Sirius said. A gust of wind blew by and he teetered where he stood, like his legs were only just holding him up. "I do, Remus. I really, really do. And I'm so, so sorry-" His voice broke and he dropped his face into his hands. Remus stood there quietly, watching as he kept going.

"I know nothing I can say will make any difference, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry. You need to know that I one hundred percent regret what I did and if I had the chance I would go back and punch myself in the face before I could do it. I wasn't thinking, I was stupid-"

"You _were_ thinking," Remus said quietly. "You let your hate of Snape run away with you."

Sirius pressed his face deeper into his hands. "I know," he whispered.

"You nearly cost Snape his life," Remus said. "You almost made me a murderer. You could have killed James, too, if he hadn't gotten out in time."

"I _know_!" Sirius lifted his head and glared, but Remus knew none of the anger was directed at him. "I know, I know, I know! I've always gone around saying and thinking that I'm the most trustworthy person out there, but I was lying! I was lying to myself and everyone around me! I'm a Black, and Blacks can't be trusted- just like my family always said."

He was digging his fingers into his arms, the nails turning white with the pressure. There was so much anguish on his face Remus wanted to throw his arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

"Don't say that," Remus said quietly.

"Why not? It's the truth!"

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is! I gave up your secret, Remus, I nearly made your worst fear a reality. I'm a liar and a snitch and a terrible friend and human being and I don't deserve to-"

"Sirius Black, don't you dare finish that sentence," Remus growled.

Sirius stopped and stared at him. His face was white and he was shaking like a leaf, swaying slightly where he stood. He was still digging his fingers into his arms, and Remus was afraid he was going to cut through his sleeve and hurt himself. He looked so frail Remus felt a surge of guilt for drawing this out for so long. He knew he had had every right to, but he wouldn't have done it if he knew how much it was costing his friend- because as much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't think of Sirius as anything but that.

"You made a mistake." Remus took a few steps forward so he was standing closer to Sirius. Now that he was close he could see the tears brimming in his eyes, the way his lower lip was trembling with repressed sobs. "You made a terrible, horrible mistake. It can't be changed, and we won't be able to forget it. But nothing happened. No one got hurt. And you're never going to do it again."

"I won't." Sirius shook his head frantically, the movement shaking a few tears free and sending them rolling down his cheeks. "Oh, god, Remus, I won't."

"Then I suppose you've learned your lesson," Remus said. He took a deep breath. "I forgive you."

He didn't get the reaction he expected. Sirius stopped shaking his head and stared at him, his mouth hanging open, tears still trickling down his cheeks.

" _What?_ "

"I-"

"No, don't say it!" Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, looking pained. "You're not supposed to forgive me!"

Remus frowned and took a step closer. "Sirius-"

"I don't deserve to be forgiven! What I did- what almost happened-"

Sirius's breath hitched. Then it started coming faster and faster until it was near hyperventilation. He turned away from Remus, trying to walk towards the parapet again, but Remus reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"Sirius, _I forgive you._ James and Peter have already forgiven you, I was just being stubborn. Please, calm down-"

Sirius was back to shaking his head. Tears were now rolling freely down his face, and when he spoke he had to choke it out between sobs.

"You- can't- forgive- me-"

Remus brought his other hand up to grip Sirius's other shoulder and that was when his friend's knees buckled. He fell heavily against Remus and Remus caught him, wrapping his arms around him and carefully lowering him until they were both kneeling on the cold stones. Sirius threw his arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder, going almost completely limp.

"I'm so sorry, Remus, I'm so, so, sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you, I'm so sorry-"

"Sirius, it's okay, I'm right here, I'm not mad anymore…"

Sirius gripped the back of Remus's nightshirt as if that was the only thing holding him together. Remus's shoulder already felt damp from Sirius's tears. As he squeezed his wailing friend tighter, he realized how much baggier his robes had gotten. He remembered what James had said: _If you would stop studying for one second you might realize he stopped coming to dinner three weeks ago._

Merlin, why hadn't he just spoken to Sirius earlier?

After a while Sirius's sobs grew smaller. Remus had long since shifted so he was sitting flat with his legs crossed, and Sirius sagged limply against him, his head still buried in his shoulder. His chest was heaving with uneven breaths. Remus held Sirius tight to him, trying to keep his breathing as even as possible to set an example.

Sirius's voice was still tight. "You shouldn't forgive me."

"I guess you and James are rubbing off on me. I think I'm going to have to break the rules and forgive you anyways."

Sirius's shoulders shook again, this time from a weak laugh. "I always knew we were terrible influences."

He pulled away and sat up, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes. His face was red and blotchy, his hair messier than he had ever allowed it to be.

"Sirius?" Remus asked. "When's the last time you ate?"

Sirius sniffed and looked down at the stones. "I don't know," he mumbled.

Remus sighed. "My goodness, what would you do without me? You can't even keep up a healthy diet without me harping on you."

The ghost of a smile drifted onto Sirius's face, the first Remus had seen in six weeks. "I've missed your harping."

Remus grinned back, but it disappeared quickly. "Sirius…" He hesitated. "About earlier. How long have you been thinking about…?"

Sirius's shoulders tensed again, and for a moment Remus thought he was going to burst into tears once more. "I wasn't," he murmured. "Not really. I wasn't serious." For one of the first times ever he didn't try and monopolize on the pun potential.

"It looked pretty serious to me." The memory of Sirius's blank expression came back to him and Remus shivered, but that may have been from the chill. His thin nightclothes were doing little to block the brisk wind.

"I was just… wondering."

"How long have you been wondering?"

Sirius lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. "I don't know."

Remus reached out and gripped Sirius's forearm. Sirius stared down at it, his face impassive, and Remus felt a flicker of fear.

"Promise me," he said. "Promise me that if you ever start wondering again you come straight to me. You made a mistake, Sirius. That doesn't make you a bad person. You're a very good person, and you're not your family. I've forgiven you, Sirius. You have to forgive yourself."

Sirius brought his gaze up to meet Remus's. "I promise," he said.

Remus squeezed Sirius's arm and smiled slightly.

"How did you know? You know… what I was wondering."

Remus released his arm. "I've wondered too," he said quietly, putting his hands in his lap and staring at them. The scars coating the back of them shone bright white in the moonlight from overhead, and another shiver wracked through Remus.

Then a warm hand covered his own, blocking the scars from view. He looked up to see Sirius staring at him with a mixture of concern and determination.

"Promise me you'll tell me if you start wondering."

"I promise."

They shared the first true grins either of them had had in six weeks.

"So," Sirius said, trying to keep his voice light. "What did I miss?"

"Absolutely nothing," Remus said truthfully. "Really, I've been so focused on schoolwork-"

Sirius snorted. " _Focused_? You've been obsessed. I've heard you coming in at three in the morning every night."

Remus shrugged slightly. "It was really hard fighting with you."

"It didn't seem like it." Sirius dropped his gaze to the ground again. "You seemed…. I don't want to say _better_ , because I can't approve of anyone putting that much effort into school, but… okay. You seemed okay without me."

"I wasn't," Remus said. "Really, Sirius, it was extremely difficult."

"It was hard for me too." Sirius grinned ruefully, his hair falling into his eyes. "You're way too good at the whole silent treatment thing."

"And don't you forget it," Remus said. He got to his feet and held out his hand to help Sirius up. "Come on, I'm freezing out here."

Sirius let Remus hoist him to his feet. He looked absolutely exhausted. "Back to bed?" he asked as they made their way out of the cold night air.

"Oh, no," Remus said. "We're going to the kitchens. I haven't forgotten about you skipping meals."

Sirius looked ready to protest, before saying grudgingly, "I could do with a few cookies."

Remus knocked elbows with him, grinning. "That's the spirit."

Remus led the way down the staircase, Sirius following after him. Halfway down, the footsteps behind Remus stopped, and he turned to see Sirius standing there, staring at him with a frown.

"What?" he asked.

"Are we… are we… good?" Sirius asked hesitantly. "I mean…"

"Yeah," Remus said. "We're good, Padfoot."

All it took was the use of Sirius's nickname to bridge the final gap. He grinned widely and the two of them set off again to the kitchens, where they spent another hour cleaning out all the desserts and making up for six weeks of silence between them. When they stumbled back into the dorm at five in the morning they were exhausted but both grinning broadly.

"Night," Sirius whispered as he fell into his bed.

"I think you mean 'morning'," Remus said ruefully, drawing his curtains just enough to shield him from the sun rising at the window.

"It's alright, we can sleep in," Sirius said, stretching out and sighing.

Remus frowned at him. "It's Thursday."

"No it's not, it's Saturday."

"Sirius, yesterday was Wednesday."

"No, yesterday was _Friday_."

Remus sighed and shut his eyes, lacking the strength to argue. "You're an idiot, Sirius," he muttered.

"And you're a know-it-all. Good morning, Remus."

"Good morning."

And then they were both asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As it turned out, it really was Thursday. James was the first out of bed, followed by Peter, who both frowned at each other when they realized Remus, whose internal clock was never off, had overslept on a school day. Sirius was also passed out, but neither James nor Peter wanted to deal with waking him up.

Finally, when they only had ten minutes to get down to breakfast and Remus still hadn't stirred, James shook him awake.

"Remus, wake up."

Remus woke up with a jolt. He blinked blearily at James. Dark bags were already forming under his eyes, and James raised his eyebrows.

"Did you stay up late partying or something, Moony?"

Remus yawned and stretched. "What?"

"We've got ten minutes to get downstairs."

Remus sat up so quickly he nearly knocked heads with James. " _What?_ "

"Relax," James laughed as Remus practically fell out of bed. "You've still got time."

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?" Remus asked, scrambling to his feet. He threw open his trunk and started rifling through it for his robes. Then he did something that made both James and Peter stop and stare; he picked up one of his shoes and tossed it across the room at Sirius's bed.

It met its target and Sirius snorted loudly, opening his eyes.

"Remus," James hissed, appalled. Sure, Remus was mad at Sirius, but James wasn't about to tolerate _physical_ violence. Across the room, Peter looked just as stunned.

Sirius rolled over onto his side and blinked at Remus, looking just as exhausted as the latter. "What the hell, Remus?"

"Get up," Remus said tersely, pulling off his nightclothes and unfolding his robes. "We've got ten minutes to get to breakfast."

Sirius sighed loudly and rolled back over. "Then I've got nine more minutes of rest."

"I don't think so, Black," Remus said, tugging his robes on. "I'm not about to miss breakfast so you can get your beauty sleep. Up, Sirius."

Sirius groaned and pushed himself into a sitting position, glaring blearily at nothing in particular. "I almost forgot how bossy you are," he muttered.

"And you're eating everything on your plate," Remus ordered, throwing the textbooks he needed for the day into his bag.

"Alright, _mother_."

"Don't you-"

"Okay, what?"

Remus and Sirius both looked at James, who was staring at them like they had just grown extra heads.

"Last night, you-" he pointed at Remus, "-weren't talking to _him._ " He pointed at Sirius. "What the hell is going on?"

Sirius looked awkward, but Remus just sat down and started pulling his socks on. "We worked it out," he said.

James blinked. "Everything?"

"Pretty much."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah."

"Last night?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Sirius was looking cautiously at James, who still looked bewildered. Across the room Peter was looking back and forth between Remus and Sirius, a frown on his face.

Remus pulled one shoe on. "Do you want to be late, Pads?"

"Alright, alright," Sirius muttered, getting out of bed and grabbing his robes. He started changing. James was still standing there, confused.

"So, wait," he said, shaking his head. "You two _aren't_ fighting?"

"No, James, catch up." Remus stood and shouldered his bag. He grinned at his shocked friend. "Let's just put this all past us, okay?"

Finally, Peter spoke. "Excellent!" he said, beaming around at his friends.

Remus smiled, but he still looked exhausted. "Come on," he said, nodding at Peter. "We'll meet you guys down in the common room. Don't take long."

Peter followed Remus out of the dorm, leaving James wondering how Remus had known he wanted to speak to Sirius.

Once the two were alone, extreme awkwardness settled over the room. Sirius was still getting dressed as quickly as possible, throwing his tie around his neck and leaving his robes hanging open, easily pulling off the 'I honestly don't care' look that makes most girls at the school swoon.

James rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, Sirius-"

"Thanks for sticking with Remus," Sirius said. He slung his bag over his shoulders and turned to grin at his friend, the gesture genuine but a little sad. "He deserved your loyalty."

"He did," James said. "But I still feel bad."

The smile dropped off Sirius's face. "You shouldn't." He hesitated. "James, I never got the chance to say sorry to you. About…."

"Say no more." James strode forward and clapped his friend on the shoulder, beaming. "It's good to have you back, Padfoot."

Sirius returned the grin, and the two of them headed down to the common room. When they joined Remus and Peter, Sirius and Remus exchanged small smiles, not the goofy grins Sirius and James shot at each other, but a more subtle, conspiratorial gesture. And as the four of them walked out the portrait together, talking and laughing like nothing had ever happened, an unspoken promise settled on the group: nothing would ever break them apart again.

 **A/N: I'm thinking of doing a few more shots of Remus and Sirius post-Azkaban. This story is turning into just a bunch of connected one-shots but I really enjoy writing them. What do you think? Please leave a review!**


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